Friday, march 26, 2010

but i'm a girl.....

Jack and Jonah had their well-checks today....for the record, jack's birthday is in october but because i forgot to make him an appointment two years ago, in october, and because insurance only covers these checkups every 12 months, his birthday is now in March...please tell me that I am not the only mom who forgot to make their kids appt on time....but this is not the point.

Taking my boys to the pediatrician always make me aware of two crucial things..
1. i am getting older-i must be, if they don't fit in that little baby scale anymore and i don't have change their diapers before, during and after their appointments, i must be getting older...
2. i think maybe we need a license to become a parent...

when jack and i went into the exam room, there was a pamphlet waiting for us.."how to talk to your teenager about drinking." and this was our discussion..(ari, forgive me..)
"jack, drinking when you are a teenager is very bad. It will stunt your growth, ruin your brain and cause you do to stupid and irresponsible things. Now, mommy drinks because she has already finished growing-well, taller, anyway, wider is another story, her brain has already started to deteriorate and i am always doing stupid things anyway so, basically SAVE YOURSELF!!!"

I happen to like this pamphlet better than the "checking yourself for testicular abnormalities..." oh god...and then the doctor started talking to me about boys and puberty and then I think i might have passed out...i am hoping that their father will help me with this one, though i am pretty sure that my father-in-law still hasn't had "the talk" with ari, so basically, my boys are in big trouble...

Now, for the record, i toilet trained my boys, with no help from the member of our family that actually has a penis, and it was quite interesting-who knew that gravity did not effect the stream of urine and that a boy could pee in a straight horizontal line-just point, aim and shoot! amazing! miraculous! i had them aiming at cheerios in the toilet-hours and hours of fun....but that was when they were standing...when they would sit i would just keep saying "i don't know what to do with it, mommy doesn't have one...." but they survived and were all trained way before their father was....(was that too much information?)

but this puberty stuff....no thank you....i can't help you....please ask daddy...or pa...or anyone that isn't me....but i will always love you! that is just the best i can do...

happy friday