Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday January 31,2011

Chupkas, paparazzi and bickering...oh my...

Another winter vacation has gone by.From what I gathered from reading status updates on facebook, people were either in Mexico, on a cruise, on a cruise to Mexico, in the Bahamas, on some other island or were home complaining about the people who were posting about how fabulous their vacations were..

I had the privilege and good fortune to be able to take my three sons to Miami beach..which, apparently, while none of us were looking, became home of the chupka. What is a chupka? Well, my friend who originally hails from boro park, home of the seamed opaque stocking, snood and doc martins for women, explained to me that the terry cloth turbans that have been appearing on every third womans head in Miami beach is actually a chupka. My boys thought is was something ultra-religious women wear on days you read the Torah....whatever a chupka is, they are alive and well in Miami and the paparazzi in front of the fontainbleau enjoy taking pictures of the women wearing them....or maybe they were there to take pictures of Justin bieber, who knows.....someone told me that you can buy these turbans/chupkas at bed bath and beyond..and I am thinking of bringing the trend to my home town....pancake hats on the island of long and chupkas in never know....

Back to vacation.....son #1 and I did the chai lifeline half marathon for the second year in a row...that is what brought us to Miami. Husband #1 thought it would be a fantastic idea for the whole family to go this year. Fantastic for him maybe, because he was stuck in new York while I was hanging out with the bickering brothers from hell. Could you hear them in Mexico? On your cruise ships? In chuckie cheese?(if you were in chuckie cheese, you are exempt from answering the rhetorical have enough problems...) The only time they weren't
fighting was when I was buying them snacks at walgreens....but there are only so many snacks......and then husband #1 showed up and I had someone to bicker with so balance was restored and all was right with the universe.

Son #1 and I finished the marathon in record time (record time for us....)and we were proud to be part of team lifeline. Chai lifeline is such an incredible organization and we pray for the quick and painless recovery for all those we know, and don't know, who are suffering from life threatening illnesses....

Happy monday

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tuesday January 25,2011


Here we are in Miami beach. Son#1 and I are doing the chai lifeline half marathon, again. Last year, we had quality mother-eldest child bonding..this year, his brothers came along, which could explain why I have already had two daquiris....husband #1 will hopefully be joining us in a few days...depending on the impending snow storm back miami beach, it isn't snowing. But I am here doing a good deed, we raised almost 7 thousand dollars, so it's all good.

When husband #1 dropped us off, as he drove away, I could swear I heard him yelling "free at last, free at last, thank god almighty, I am free at last..."wasn't Martin Luther kings day last week?? Wonder what he's yelling about....I, of course will be shouting that next Monday, hopefully, when my boys are back in school...but for now, I am enjoying those precious moments when they all get along (and continue drinking when they are that wrong?)

Sprung for wireless in the room because apparently, tonights activity is watching the Ohio state against purdue. I thought purdue was a chicken company so I don't know what these boys are talking about and I need to watch the biggest loser...and maybe a movie..the possibilities are endless and no one will notice what I am doing anyway...

Happy tuesday

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I'm so confused...

I'm blogging during the jets game. Is that wrong? Though I'm from the ny/nj area, I'm not allowed to cheer the jets onto victory. I am routing for the steelers. Why? Because our friend and neighbor(and doctor) is a steelers fan and we do not want our quality of medical care, or friendship, or neighborly relationship to change. Though, I am pretty sure that if the Vikings or the giants were playing the steelers, it would be ok to not want the steelers to win. This whole football thing makes no sense to me, yet, I will be sad when the season is over because i will miss being ignored(unless of course someone is hungry or a lightbulb goes out)and going to the movies by myself. I am sad that the bears lost because my sister in law is from Chicago and she wanted them to win....but apparently we know a bunch of packer fans, and our good friends have the last name packer so we should be happy and sad about that victory all at the same time. Makes no sense at all.

Though one would think that with men getting so emotionally involved in this ridiculous game that they would learn to channel that passion and that emotion into their everyday lives..but no, that is just not the case....oh well...we women can continue to dream that one day, our spouses will come home from work and begin chanting our names with the same gusto that those idiots are shouting j-e-t-s jets jets jets...

Blah blah blah....

Happy sunday

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Wednesday, January 20, 2011

And it all begins in a shopping mall......

Son #1 finished the first half of his first year of high school. This totally freaked me out so I decided to try and forget about how quickly time is passing and I took him to the mall to buy new "dress" shoes. (apparently, there was an incident over the weekend which involved him almost dropping a Torah because he tripped over his shoes..,which of course, was my fault because he told me that he needed new ones-for the record, he told me no such thing, but, it is still my fault....)

Off to the mall we go. I was very excited about this outing because, being the mother of only sons and having really skinny friends that have little patience to shop with someone who isn't a sample size, I am often alone at the mall(which isn't necessarily a bad thing because you can't get into too much trouble when you are alone) so here I had my handsome companion with me and I thought that, aside from the mother son bonding, I could, perhaps, do some shopping for myself as well.

WHAT WAS I THINKING???????? Mom, do you really need another necklace? Mom, that dress would look ridiculous on, don't you already have boots? Mom, I am not going into that department with, I thought we were here for me?!? Mom, can I please have that? And that? And that? Don't tell dad, he will ask why I needed that (and that..and that...) welcome to my world, kid.

So in the end, son #1 got really nice shoes (which, of course husband #1 had to comment on the price, because his new shoes are from....kohls..(there, I said it, my husband shops at kohls.....oh god....) son #1 also got several other things, that we won't go into, but let's just say there might be a Vikings flag hanging out some random window on some random street in teaneck...soon to be followed by pink flamingoes on the lawn, accompanied by a large tatooed man wearing a wife beater, sitting on a rusty lounge chair and drinking a beer(look what i have driven husband #1 to.....that was an odd tangent to go on....)

Point is, going to the mall with your son is like going to the mall with any man....if he's not the focus of attention, no one is happy...(oh wait, that's me...oh that's why son#1 had such a good time....but man, I do love that kid...)

Happy Thursday and happy birthday to my adorable dimpled nephew who is 18 today!!!!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday January 17,2011

Things your mother never taught you...but would've been nice if she mentioned....

Did you know that when your son decides that his half eaten Hershey bar is dirty and he puts it in his pants pocket so it will get clean in the laundry, if you put it in the dryer it makes all of the clothing smell like chocolatey goodness??

Did you know that even if all of your spoiled brats, I mean children, each have their own iPods and iPod chargers, no one can ever find one when their iPods die and it's your fault?!? (not the dads fault, only the moms fault, I guess if the dads could have nursed these kids for almost a year then it could be their fault...)

Did you know that dishes magically fly into the dishwashers?

Did you know that a tornado actually does go through some childrens bedrooms every freaking day?!?!

Did you know that when you give your first husband a teeny tiny errand to run, unless you specifically write out the geographic location, with longitude and latitude, he can't figure it out and comes home empty handed?(and expects you to be ok with it?!? Seriously?!?)

Did you know that if you put 8 socks in the wash, you will always only get 7 back???

That's all I got...for now..

Happy monday

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wednesday January 12,2011

This is what I come up with when I have to much time on my hands.....

Recently, I have been watching episodes of top chef. For those of you who don't watch it, top chef is a reality show that takes a bunch of really good chefs, has them do various cooking challenges, and then whittles them down to one, who becomes the top chef(hence the name of the show.) now, I enjoy this show because, though it involves food, it does not make me hungry.

These culinary geniuses make things with foods that don't even sound the least bit appetizing. I am fully aware that my culinary pallete is perfectly happy with a delicious tuna melt and onion rings..but who would really enjoy frog leg chili on a bed of braised leeks and olives? So it got me thinking....the biggest loser, which is one of my favorite shows, which is a show about people even bigger than I am, who eat large pizzas like skinny bitches eat watercress, should combine with top chef. The chefs present portions of food on teeny tiny plates, some of them even serve on just spoons-how could that even be filling? Well, it's not, so they should be feeding it to the biggest loser contestants,,,I think it's a genius idea....but that's just me..

Last night on the biggest loser, one team sent the other team a box of donuts....cruel,I know..but the team who received the donuts, all took turns stomping on the box. The guy who brought the box to the dumpster, almost took a bite out of one of the stomped on donuts.,..which,I'm embarrassed to admit, I could relate too...poor guy, but I think with the help of the cameras on him, he didn't give into temptation, and I was proud of him. But if he had a top chef dessert of bacon ice cream on a roasted blueberry-he most likely would not have been tempted in the first place.....I'm just saying....

Happy wednesday

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sunday January 9,2011


This past weekend was truly wonderful. Son #2 became a man(which he kept telling us last night when he refused to go to sleep..). He did an incredible job reading from the Torah and leading the services. He was charming and adorable. Our families were all together, the food was delicious(thank you Alan shulman from rocked it again!!) It was really special. But, since it's all about me...let's recap the mother-of-the-bar mitzvah-boy-speech that almost wasn't....and I wish I was kidding...

So husband #1 introduces me....I walk up to the podium....and begin speaking. Now, you know in the movies when you hear a sound effect in the background that sounds like a heart beating...and then starts beating faster and faster? Ya, that was me. Out of nowhere, my heart starts to hurt and beat really really fast....I start to sweat(which was good because of the possible weight loss, but bad because, well I was standing in front of 350 people) as I am reading the words and looking out into the crowd, I'm thinking "holy crap, I am not going to be able to finish reading this, what is wrong with me?" so I try to calm down and make a joke about having a hot flash, thinking it might help...nope...I get really cold, start sweating more, start losing feeling in my hands and feet...look at husband #1 and say "I think I am going to pass out...."

Long story short...I sit down, next to son #2, which ended up being really nice, finish the speech...and when it's over, my brother in law Dave and my parents friend, Seymour, rush up to take my pulse and see how I'm feeling.(one a doctor, one an emt, respectively) turns out, the big girl, who eats all of the time, should've eaten that particular morning...who knew? But how is this funny? Well apparently the OTHER doctors in the audience, and there were lots of them, were afraid the big girl was going to take a tumble....and they were all afraid that they'd have to pick up my lifeless, now normal range bmi body from the stage..real nice guys, real nice....well, If you were nervous, think about what was I was thinking....if I passed out, my big, control top stocking covered tushie might be exposed for all to see....that's not pretty at all(even though I still maintain there were some relatives and friends secretly hoping I'd pass out...not mentioning any names....)

But in the end, it was fine. I was was all fine. And I got to have yummy cocktails with my sister when it was all over.

Happy sunday

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wednesday take two....

They grow up so quickly...

Son#1 has two friends sleeping over tonight. First, he made them hot dogs for dinner...and served them on my dairy dishes. I explained to his friends, when I got home and saw the dishes, that son#1 has only been living with us for a few months and doesn't know the difference between the meat and dairy dishes just yet....give him some time.

Now I hear son#1 trying to inflate the aeromattress for one of the boys.....he told me he didn't need my help and he would take care of it. From what I can hear, I don't think he realizes that he has to close off the other side of the mattress, thereby allowing the air to stay in said mattress. He is his father's son, after all. I wonder how long it will take him to realize what is going wrong....but I am letting him handle it on his own....cutting just a teeny tiny bit of the umbilical cord...but only a teeny tiny bit....

As for son feels like just yesterday when my in laws asked me if they should go to Israel since I was due..I told them to go and have a safe trip. And as soon as their plane landed in the holy land, my cute little son #2 started making his descent into the world....and now he is a man....(cue sunrise sunset and someone get me a tissue.....)

Happy wednesday...again....

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Wednesday January 5,2011

I will regret this in the morning...

This is the first time I can recall blogging because I can't fall asleep. Son#2's bar mitzvah is in three days and I have all of these thoughts in my head, swirling around, just like the snow that is swirling around in the atmosphere waiting to hit land on....Friday through It's ok because there was a monsoon during son#1's bar mitzvah....

It's not like I am making the most intricate bar mitzvah but yet, there is much to do and only so much time to do it in. I've got to write a speech..a well censored, humorous without being insulting or self deprecating, less than five minute speech. I also have to go to shop rite because pasta is on sale. That actually has nothing to do with the bar nmitzva, but pasta is never 49 cents a box, so I must take advantage of that...and it will make husband #1 so proud that with everything going on, I took the time to save him some money. That is what keeps our love alive..

I must try to sleep now....because a cranky banji is not very pleasant to be around....

Happy wednesday