What are little boys made of....
Boys can shoot a puck across an entire gym and get it into a goal being guarded by a well padded goalie.
Boys can throw a ball into a basket that is several feet above their heads....
Then why, oh, why, please tell me why they cannot pee into a large open bowl that is just inches away from their wee-wee?!?!(wee-wees being the new technical and medical terms for their ding dongs...)
I am very grateful to the makers of Lysol wipes because I keep them in every bathroom and they are oh so helpful in cleaning up the trails of pee that my boys leave me before they go off to school. Last weekend, however, son #3 had four adorable boys over from the island of long...the morning after they left, I went into the guest bathroom and man-oh-man....the Lysol wipes were not going to cut it...I had to bring in the heavy duty spray and paper towels....apparently, getting them drunk Friday night was not the best idea because there was "residue" on the wall, the floor, the radiator....i took a deep breath, went in, cleaned up and got out....and then washed my hands for several minutes...even though urine is sterile....it's still gross....(even if it wasn't sterile..yuck yuck yuck)
Next...I handed son #2 a laundry bag and said "could you please put your laundry in this bag and bring it down to the laundry room?" I think maybe he thought I was telling him that he had leprosy or something because the look of horror that came over his face was indescribable..did I just ask him to clean the gutters? Change a faucet? Carry me up the stairs?!?!?! NO-take down your freakin laundry!!!!!!
Then you can clean the gutters, change a faucet and carry me upstairs....oy freakin vey..if they weren't so cute, I'd send them all back....
Did you here-carmello Anthony is on the knicks now- almost like someone discovered a cure for cancer, but not quite....
Happy Saturday...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday February 23,2011
Post traumatic ballet disorder
Some people have flashbacks that are drug induced...food induced..love induced, well, I had a flashback that was musically induced. I brought a friend to THE GYM with me on a weeks pass(yes, I really do like this friend even though I brought her to the cold, unfriendly, skinny environment of THE GYM) and we decided to try the zumba class.
Zumba is basically a dance class taught by a very coordinated teacher who knows how to move and has a class full of women following her in an attempt to burn some calories and hopefully not trip over their own two feet (or maybe that was just me...) though the Japanese lady in front of me made me feel more like Jennifer Lopez and less like Jennifer Hudson pre-weight watchers...but I digress..
As the class is coming to an end, the teacher puts on one last song....a classical piece, one put on so the class can do some final stretches and deep breathing. As soon as the song came on, I started to feel a little clammy...my breathing got shallow..and then I realized, this was the song that they played at the Irene fokene school of ballet....the one where pudgy banji went for too many years to mention....I actually looked down to make sure I hadn't left the house in my too tight black leotard(sorry for the visual) and pink tights(did that make the visual worse?) as I looked around the class, I watched the various women doing their stretches...I took a deep breath...said to myself "I am forty and fabulous, I too am a strong woman and can get into that position....". And then I ran out of the room as fast as my 40 year old legs could carry me......
And again, I would like to thank my parents for sending me there....the memories are priceless.....too bad I missed the castings calls for black swan....
Happy wednesday
Some people have flashbacks that are drug induced...food induced..love induced, well, I had a flashback that was musically induced. I brought a friend to THE GYM with me on a weeks pass(yes, I really do like this friend even though I brought her to the cold, unfriendly, skinny environment of THE GYM) and we decided to try the zumba class.
Zumba is basically a dance class taught by a very coordinated teacher who knows how to move and has a class full of women following her in an attempt to burn some calories and hopefully not trip over their own two feet (or maybe that was just me...) though the Japanese lady in front of me made me feel more like Jennifer Lopez and less like Jennifer Hudson pre-weight watchers...but I digress..
As the class is coming to an end, the teacher puts on one last song....a classical piece, one put on so the class can do some final stretches and deep breathing. As soon as the song came on, I started to feel a little clammy...my breathing got shallow..and then I realized, this was the song that they played at the Irene fokene school of ballet....the one where pudgy banji went for too many years to mention....I actually looked down to make sure I hadn't left the house in my too tight black leotard(sorry for the visual) and pink tights(did that make the visual worse?) as I looked around the class, I watched the various women doing their stretches...I took a deep breath...said to myself "I am forty and fabulous, I too am a strong woman and can get into that position....". And then I ran out of the room as fast as my 40 year old legs could carry me......
And again, I would like to thank my parents for sending me there....the memories are priceless.....too bad I missed the castings calls for black swan....
Happy wednesday
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wednesday February 16,2011
Love songs......
Everyone has their favorite love songs...the song that brings you back to your first kiss, sweet 16's, the song that was on the radio when you got engaged, the song you heard in the car just minutes after you found out you were having a son.....
I have always been a big fan of memorizing the words of songs...some are sweet and simple like Carly simon's "you're the love of my life.." (which also happens to be the song I sang to son #1 every night for the first two years of his life.....) and some have you wondering how they've been classified as a love song like "you spin my head right round right round like a record player....." but recently, there has been a love song getting lots of air play...my kids like it, but I only think they like it because they know how much it annoys me....and the Grammy goes to Bruno mars for...grenade...(I don't actually think he won the Grammy for that one, but I was trying to be dramatic)
This song bothers me so much, that I recently brought it up amongst a group of friends to discuss the utter ridiculousness of the words....
"I would catch a grenade for ya....I'd throw myself in front of a train for ya....I'd take a bullet straight through my brain for ya...but you won't do the same..." dam right moron...why the he'll would I do that for you?!?! Are you on crack?!?!?! So I asked the husbands in this discussion if they would do any of these things for their wives....I got a few grunts and a maybe-then I asked the wives and I think they are all still laughing at the question....for our kids, yes, for sure, 100 percent....for our spouses? We would throw a grenade at them, but, no, would not catch it for them...I'm sorry to report.
The song is ridiculous and irritating..clearly Bruno is not and has never been married, because if that had been the case, the lyrics would have been completely different....what can you do....at least lady gaga gets me with "I was born this way...." and there's nothing I can do about it.....
Happy Wednesday
Everyone has their favorite love songs...the song that brings you back to your first kiss, sweet 16's, the song that was on the radio when you got engaged, the song you heard in the car just minutes after you found out you were having a son.....
I have always been a big fan of memorizing the words of songs...some are sweet and simple like Carly simon's "you're the love of my life.." (which also happens to be the song I sang to son #1 every night for the first two years of his life.....) and some have you wondering how they've been classified as a love song like "you spin my head right round right round like a record player....." but recently, there has been a love song getting lots of air play...my kids like it, but I only think they like it because they know how much it annoys me....and the Grammy goes to Bruno mars for...grenade...(I don't actually think he won the Grammy for that one, but I was trying to be dramatic)
This song bothers me so much, that I recently brought it up amongst a group of friends to discuss the utter ridiculousness of the words....
"I would catch a grenade for ya....I'd throw myself in front of a train for ya....I'd take a bullet straight through my brain for ya...but you won't do the same..." dam right moron...why the he'll would I do that for you?!?! Are you on crack?!?!?! So I asked the husbands in this discussion if they would do any of these things for their wives....I got a few grunts and a maybe-then I asked the wives and I think they are all still laughing at the question....for our kids, yes, for sure, 100 percent....for our spouses? We would throw a grenade at them, but, no, would not catch it for them...I'm sorry to report.
The song is ridiculous and irritating..clearly Bruno is not and has never been married, because if that had been the case, the lyrics would have been completely different....what can you do....at least lady gaga gets me with "I was born this way...." and there's nothing I can do about it.....
Happy Wednesday
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday February 13,2011
It's not easy being me......
It's a huge responsibility being the worst mother in the whole world. Sometimes, I just don't know how I pull it off. When my son, who has gotten no sleep in the past two days thinks it's ok to go somewhere this evening and I tell him he can't go....really? Am I really saying no? Why would I say no to a 14 year old who has bags under his eyes? What is wrong with me? Or when I tell son #2 to stop torturing son #3 and I threaten to take his computer away....somehow, it becomes my fault that he tortures him because I only punish son #2 and never son #3 because he is the baby ( THE baby, not A baby..there's a difference.)...of course the whole punishment thing is a joke because son #2 has already pointed out, on more than one occasion, that I never follow through with any of my punishments....
That calgon commercial takes on a whole new meaning.....
On a lighter note..tomorrow is valentines day. As many of you don't remember, last year was the first valentines day that husband #1 tried to woo me by sending me roses and making dinner reservations...I repaid his kindness by throwing my guts up for twelve hours and lying in bed in a state of semi-consciousness(which only varied slightly from how I usually lie in bed...)it was not pretty. So I have a feeling that this valentines day will not be filled with flowers and dinner....only carpools and leftovers, but that is ok because valentines day is just another day ...we should let our loved ones know we feel about each other everyday....lord knows I do!!
Happy sunday
It's a huge responsibility being the worst mother in the whole world. Sometimes, I just don't know how I pull it off. When my son, who has gotten no sleep in the past two days thinks it's ok to go somewhere this evening and I tell him he can't go....really? Am I really saying no? Why would I say no to a 14 year old who has bags under his eyes? What is wrong with me? Or when I tell son #2 to stop torturing son #3 and I threaten to take his computer away....somehow, it becomes my fault that he tortures him because I only punish son #2 and never son #3 because he is the baby ( THE baby, not A baby..there's a difference.)...of course the whole punishment thing is a joke because son #2 has already pointed out, on more than one occasion, that I never follow through with any of my punishments....
That calgon commercial takes on a whole new meaning.....
On a lighter note..tomorrow is valentines day. As many of you don't remember, last year was the first valentines day that husband #1 tried to woo me by sending me roses and making dinner reservations...I repaid his kindness by throwing my guts up for twelve hours and lying in bed in a state of semi-consciousness(which only varied slightly from how I usually lie in bed...)it was not pretty. So I have a feeling that this valentines day will not be filled with flowers and dinner....only carpools and leftovers, but that is ok because valentines day is just another day ...we should let our loved ones know we feel about each other everyday....lord knows I do!!
Happy sunday
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
tuesday february 8, 2011
no love from lulu.....
i have blogged about this before....lulu lemon. the exercise clothes for the already thin and fit...not for the i would like to be thin and am trying to be fit. in order to deal with them, i have just chosen to let it be. I dont walk by the pleasantly plump lady in the window because it aggravates me that she is naked because she doesnt have any clothes to exercise in and it just is what it is...i thought i would get in trouble if i continued to throw peanut m&ms at her so she would have some nourishment, so i just dont walk by the store.
everyone at THE GYM wears lulu lemon, well, exept for me and the one or two other fatties that got past security...and thats ok. I am happy wearing my billy joel tshirt and chicos yoga pants...(though i will never be doing yoga in them because that thought is well...simply frightening-using my own weight to build strength-seriously?? are you nuts??? do you want me to kill myself??) but i digress....
as some of you know, son #1 and i participated in the half marathon a little while back. one of the attractions of the weekend is the health and fitness expo. husband #1 decided we should go...so, since we always listen to him-we went. when we pulled up..there were two women standing there with a bunch of lulu lemon boxes. I though "goodie...free stuff i can bring home to my skinny friends"..but, instead of asking what they were offering i said "excuse me, why is your mannekin to big to fit into your clothes?" they looked at me with shock and surprise (or it could have been hunger and disgust) and said "what are you talking about? our mannekin in a size 6.." not in garden state plaza she isnt.......so that was strike one. No free stuff and no explanation about my soul sister who is in the window....
then, marathon day came. son #1 and i are "running" along at a nice pace and i see a bunch of skinny women in lulu lemon attire cheering on the runners and they are holding these cute little (of course) rattles with the lululemon insignia on them and i thought, of course, im a jew - ooh, maybe they can give me one to bring to my skinny friend's daughter...so while "running" i politely shout "hey, can i have one of those?" and they looked at me, with hunger, and said "ooh, sorry, they are just for the cheering squad...." strike two and three....hey ladies-you guys were on the sidelines, this lady was doing the hard work-you couldnt spare a rattle? did ya think i was going to eat it???
i give up...
happy tuesday
i have blogged about this before....lulu lemon. the exercise clothes for the already thin and fit...not for the i would like to be thin and am trying to be fit. in order to deal with them, i have just chosen to let it be. I dont walk by the pleasantly plump lady in the window because it aggravates me that she is naked because she doesnt have any clothes to exercise in and it just is what it is...i thought i would get in trouble if i continued to throw peanut m&ms at her so she would have some nourishment, so i just dont walk by the store.
everyone at THE GYM wears lulu lemon, well, exept for me and the one or two other fatties that got past security...and thats ok. I am happy wearing my billy joel tshirt and chicos yoga pants...(though i will never be doing yoga in them because that thought is well...simply frightening-using my own weight to build strength-seriously?? are you nuts??? do you want me to kill myself??) but i digress....
as some of you know, son #1 and i participated in the half marathon a little while back. one of the attractions of the weekend is the health and fitness expo. husband #1 decided we should go...so, since we always listen to him-we went. when we pulled up..there were two women standing there with a bunch of lulu lemon boxes. I though "goodie...free stuff i can bring home to my skinny friends"..but, instead of asking what they were offering i said "excuse me, why is your mannekin to big to fit into your clothes?" they looked at me with shock and surprise (or it could have been hunger and disgust) and said "what are you talking about? our mannekin in a size 6.." not in garden state plaza she isnt.......so that was strike one. No free stuff and no explanation about my soul sister who is in the window....
then, marathon day came. son #1 and i are "running" along at a nice pace and i see a bunch of skinny women in lulu lemon attire cheering on the runners and they are holding these cute little (of course) rattles with the lululemon insignia on them and i thought, of course, im a jew - ooh, maybe they can give me one to bring to my skinny friend's daughter...so while "running" i politely shout "hey, can i have one of those?" and they looked at me, with hunger, and said "ooh, sorry, they are just for the cheering squad...." strike two and three....hey ladies-you guys were on the sidelines, this lady was doing the hard work-you couldnt spare a rattle? did ya think i was going to eat it???
i give up...
happy tuesday
Friday, February 4, 2011
Friday February 4,2011
More reasons why I love oprah....
Since it's her last season, I think she is trying to have on every guest who has ever had any sort of fame in the last 40 years....I have been dvr-ing some of this season because,well, I do love oprah, and not just because she weighs more than I do, though, that does help.....but because I was interested. Ok, so Bo Derek was on, who still looks amazing and gets to sleep with aiden from sex in the city and she flat out admitted to oprah that she knows she is beautiful....and she is, but, she did not admit to plastic surgery and last I checked, she wasn't of Asian descent(ok, I really didn't check, but her eyes were looking mighty suspicious.)
She also had on mc hammer who, much to my surprise is involved in apps and tweets and social media stuff and helped to develop an iPad case where, if you slam your iPad on the floor because you can't figure out how to work it, it doesn't break- who knew he was so involved?!? I was very impressed.
Today's episode, which I will be watching on Sunday while simultaneously rooting for the steelers/packers (depending on who is reading this) is a very exciting one...supermodels of the past...ooh, like dinosaurs or typewriters...Cheryl tiegs( who is now a spokesperson for what not to do to your face after 50), Christie brinkley, whose eyes no longer look like they are open at all and some others. I was always a fan of carol alt and Kim Alexis, but that's just me (I'm also a fan of Rick Springfield, so my taste is questionable....)
But the reason why I love oprah for this is because she is bringing our past to the present....answering our questions of "whatever happened to..." naa, it's because she's fatter than me.....
Happy Friday
Since it's her last season, I think she is trying to have on every guest who has ever had any sort of fame in the last 40 years....I have been dvr-ing some of this season because,well, I do love oprah, and not just because she weighs more than I do, though, that does help.....but because I was interested. Ok, so Bo Derek was on, who still looks amazing and gets to sleep with aiden from sex in the city and she flat out admitted to oprah that she knows she is beautiful....and she is, but, she did not admit to plastic surgery and last I checked, she wasn't of Asian descent(ok, I really didn't check, but her eyes were looking mighty suspicious.)
She also had on mc hammer who, much to my surprise is involved in apps and tweets and social media stuff and helped to develop an iPad case where, if you slam your iPad on the floor because you can't figure out how to work it, it doesn't break- who knew he was so involved?!? I was very impressed.
Today's episode, which I will be watching on Sunday while simultaneously rooting for the steelers/packers (depending on who is reading this) is a very exciting one...supermodels of the past...ooh, like dinosaurs or typewriters...Cheryl tiegs( who is now a spokesperson for what not to do to your face after 50), Christie brinkley, whose eyes no longer look like they are open at all and some others. I was always a fan of carol alt and Kim Alexis, but that's just me (I'm also a fan of Rick Springfield, so my taste is questionable....)
But the reason why I love oprah for this is because she is bringing our past to the present....answering our questions of "whatever happened to..." naa, it's because she's fatter than me.....
Happy Friday
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