Tuesday, December 27, 2011

tuesday, december 27, 2011

my name is banji and i am a loser...and that's ok...

well, the title of today's blog really says it all. I am actually afraid to find out how many of you agree with the first part of the title...i know many of you think i am a loud mouthed, witch like beotch with a fat bedonkadonk..and that is ok too, but, being a loser cuts to my core.

I grew up in a very lovely town, but really only had one friend who lived on "my side", well, two friends if you count the boy who was really smart and tutored me in math and went on to become a really religious rabbi with tons of kids(god bless). My parents never really sent me to camp and when they finally did, the only girl that was nice to me had people making fun of her because, according to husband #1, she used to walk around camp with a butterfly net- i never remember seeing her with a net, but i do remember her kindness towards me after the girl who i thought was my bff, turned out to be a real, well, a real not nice word.(look at me, exercising some self restraint..who knew that was possible.) Needless to say, it made me feel like a loser.

Anyway, fast forward to Stern College for Women and others, i started school not knowing really a soul and ended up knowing almost everyone(though, i still lost out to the israeli for secretary of the student council..not that there is anything wrong with being an israeli, but i still think she only won because she spoke fluent hebrew...no, im not still holding a grudge..losing builds character..and 15 pounds, but whatever..)

Ok so, graduate school...yadadada...marry husband #1...and that brings us to today, when i was volunteering at son #1's high school. The parent association hosted a lunch for all of the students and teachers. It was really, really nice.(no, i am not being sarcastic..) I was in charge of the tray of salad. Now, normally, in this skinny world we live in(that i am, apparently, the unwanted guest of...) you would think that salad would be the popular station. Everyone eats salad..right? No, not right. In fact, at an all boys high school it is very wrong. Extremely wrong, I think i need a therapist wrong...The salad, was, in fact, the loser station. I was manning the loser salad, which, in turn, made me a loser. It got so bad that, at one point, the boys would try to walk by me really quickly so they wouldnt have to hear my pathetic "salad, would you like some salad?" I even snapped at one of the kids with a " I know you can see me standing here with my spoon full of salad!!" It was not pretty. It was pathetic. I am such a loser.

But after eating three jelly donuts, i went to chico's and bought myself a pair of size 2 jeans and i felt a little better..(yes, I know they aren't really a size 2 in the real world, just let the loser be delusional for a little while....)

Happy Tuesday

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

wednesday december 21, 2011

happy spoiled brat day...just kidding

sometimes i think that i am the worst mom in the world, and at the same time, my kids are probably thinking i am the best mom in the world. Like when i insist on buying them vitamins, but because i have no memory, i forget to give them to them. Or when they tell me that they like white fudge oreos, i buy six boxes of them(after all, they say "limited edition" on the box-which i think is really just code for "we will charge you almost 4 dollars for 12 oreos). They don't like what i am serving for dinner-go ahead, eat 4 milky ways, i dont care. I really suck as a mom. As i have said before, I have no idea what i am doing and my boys are totally on to me.

So, a year later, we are back at chanukah. The holiday of miracles...the miracle of one night of oil lasting for eight nights, the miracle of husband #1 taking son #1 for a suit at the syms going out of business sale..(but, alas, there was no suit-so is it still a miracle? he came home with a belt...that's something, right?) and the miracle of buying gifts for my boys who are, actual, real life miracles. As i perused the aisles of target yesterday in search of some gifts(since i am the worst mom and hadn't gotten my miracles anything-i think i am still scarred from the polar fleece fiasco of 2005-who says boys don't cry-it was just a god dam sweatshirt, its not like i gave them homework for chanukah..geez, give your fat mom a break...)
Sorry, back to target. Nothing, i could find not one think that i thought they would like. Too old for coloring books and crayons(ahh, the good old days), can't buy a video game without preapproval because you can't return the game once it has left the store, books? yeah, that's funny. So i went to the department that i know best. Food.

That's right. For the first night of chanukah, son #1 got a family value size box of Honeycombs, son #2 got two packages of hershey bars(can you say dinner?) and son #3 got kit kats. I got laughs and big thank yous from two of the three sons, the third one will just have to learn to roll with the punches(both literally, and unfortunately, physically..why can't they just freakin get along?!)

My homemade latkas did get me some brownie points(though not from husband #1 because, what a surprise, he doesnt eat latkas even though i tried to convince him they are like flat french fries. The fact that i have to even try to convince a 41 year old man to eat anything still amazes me...but that's for another blog..)

so the moral of this story is when in doubt, the mantra of "food is love" can apply to any situation...even chanukah presents. I am hoping to pull off the gift of poland springs water bottle with the sports tops....it has the word sport in it-that's gotta count for something-right?

wishing all of you a happy and healthy holiday season...may we appreciate the gifts we get, the gifts we have and the gifts we give. That makes no sense, but my ambien is kicking in...

happy wednesday

Sunday, December 11, 2011

sunday, december 11, 2011

bring back the olden days...

today I went to go see the muppet movie with sons #2 and 3 and husband #1. I loved it. I realized that i loved it for many reasons, but the most important was that it brought me back to a different time. A time in my life when my grandparents were still alive, when everyone seemed healthy, when calories didn't count, when you could go to sleep when it was thundering and lighting outside and didn't worry about losing power or your basement flooding or roof leaking, when you didn't know what the word tuition meant and everyone seemed to be nice to each other and played well with others(well, i always seemed to have a problem with that one...). It made me think about sleepover parties and telling my parents that i was making myself lunch for school, when i was really just eating the lunch that i had made and was sneaking some tv on the teeny tiny black and white set they had in the kitchen...good times, simple, worry-free times. Man, this is going in a much more depressing direction than i originally intended...

though i am happy to report that today i am blogging from my new computer. This computer represents the end of a year long battle with husband #1 who kept insisting that his two older sons would let his youngest son type and print stuff for school on their laptops. I have to believe that he truly felt that this would happen and not that he was just trying to push off making the purchase.(see, i can be a positive thinker.) But, alas, that was never to be. I had to bring son #3 to Fair Lawn to use his grandparents computer and printer...others who live closer had offered, and it was appreciated, but there is nothing more fun than sitting in traffic on route 4 so your son can write a 5 sentence paragraph on the merits of sea travel to Asia....

But now that we have this computer and printer, i plan to take full advantage and put my writing to good use. I have no idea what that is, but i still dream that i will become famous and make people around the world laugh at me.(or is it with me...probably both.)

Hope you are all feeling well and having a nice day and that when you close your eyes, you can bring yourself to a happy place and then when you open your eyes, that happy place is right where you are....

Happy Sunday

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday December 4,2011

Why are you screaming...they still aren't making the playoffs...

Due to technical difficulties, my first blog did not post, due to my technical difficulties, I had no idea how to fix that so, let's try again....

1. Son #1 wants me to blog about procrastinating...mrs.reichardt, if you are reading this, he is TOTALLY studying for history and not watching his beloved Vikings lose...again..

2. Danny Terio called from Solid Gold(was that his name?) he wants his sequins back....(if you wore them the first time around, perhaps reconsider wearing them the second time....I'm just saying...)

3. Congratulations to ET Dubin, the cutest player in tabc jr hockey(please moms of other cute children, don't take offense to that, he is sitting right here and wanted me to write that)for scoring an awesome goal last night..,

4. Someone explain to me how son #2 can click something on his computer and the printer in his room...up a flight of stairs...not connected to the computer...can print something. And with all that technology, I still gain weight from eating ice cream-can't there be an app for that?!?!?

5. Please husband #1, forgive me for making fun of you...but, if there wasn't so much to work with, I wouldn't have such great material....

6. Please think good thoughts and say a few prayers for all those who need it.....

Happy sunday