Thursday, February 6, 2014
I always try to make people laugh. It is what we fat folks like to do. It bolsters our self esteem. But, today I am going to be serious. Real writers are one's that can share all. Every secret, every emotion..though it may seem to some that I do, it is mostly all from the surface. Nothing too offensive, nothing too personal. Well, today is a very personal day for me. 10 years ago today, I lost my baby. Granted, he wasn't a "real" baby by medical standards, he was a 16 week old bunch of cells that decided not to stick around. Even though I went through that experience twice after, for some reason, this date is always the most raw. The whole experience was horrible. I remember the doctor's appointment that was two days prior to my "procedure" like it was yesterday. What I wore, that I drove carpool for son #3's nursery school. Lying on the table while the doctor was looking for the heart beat, I remember joking with her that it must be difficult to find the sound with all that extra fat protecting the baby. But there was no sound. There was no more baby. It took a long time to recover from each loss, but now I just take a few moments on this day to reflect. To shed a few tears. And to appreciate what I do have.