Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tuesday march 29,2011

Parent teacher conferences.....

In the good old days of my youth, when my parents attended parent teacher conferences for me, I was able to acquire several skills that continue to serve me well to this day. Keep in mind, these skills have nothing to do with what the teachers told my parents....that's a whole other story.

Though hard for some of you to believe, I was not the model student. I was the kid who put thumbtacks on her teacher's chair in third grade(sorry mrs rubin, wherever you are, but it's not like you felt them when you sat down...) I was the little devil who wrote "mrs so an so sucks" on the bathroom wall...oh my, hope my old principal doesn't read this, as I am confessing publicly for the first time in 30 years....wait a second, it's been 30 years since I was in fifth grade???????.....sorry, getting off topic...anyway, I was a nightmare. The fact that I graduated college and got a masters degree is still a mystery to many, the fact that I have no criminal record is an even greater mystery, though I maintain that if we had the Internet when I was younger, there might be a few cyber-stalking charges to contend with, so I'm grateful for the delay of technology....

So my parents would leave the house to go to teacher conferences and I, of course, would watch tv in their room, which was not allowed on a school night, hence my letting my kids watch tv all the time(yes, I know that's bad, but it's still better then if I was sharing my flavored vodkas with them....I do know when to draw the line...occasionally..) as soon as my brother and I would hear the garage door open, we knew we had two choices, either face the music and listen to the "you have so much potential, if only you would apply yourself speech," or, run into bed and pretend to be sleeping (in my case, pretending to be dead might be the better option, those teachers did not have nice things to say
about me...) and that, ladies and gentleman, is when I honed the skill of pretending to sleep. And I am good at it. This does not make husband #1 happy on some nights, but, at least I learned something from parent teacher conferences.....

As for my kids and their reports home, well, when you marry someone and are blessed to have children together, you are playing the lottery. Sometimes, these kids take after the well behaved-always-with-a-smile parent and sometimes they take after their father.....just kidding....husband #1 does have some excellent qualities and combined with my sociopathic ones...the boys are doing just fine...

Happy tuesday

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Wednesday march 23,2011


The last time I was in Israel was for a bar mitzvah in October of 2003. Husband #1 and I had decided that after vacationing in the Bahamas and puerto Rico(this was before all three boys were in day school..) that we should revisit the land of our forefathers...since we had not been there in 8 years(on our honeymoon...that's a whole other blog..) so off we went.

We traveled with another couple, which was fabulous. They had a baby three months prior to the trip, so my friend's "my breast friend" nursing pillow got used a lot in many different places....it was amazing. The food was great, the company was great...but I was nervous as hell the whole time I was there. My kids were all home and I was in a volatile part of the world. So sad to think of it that way...but that is how I felt. Husband #1 had been there during the sabarro bombing, and even though I was the only wife who didn't call to make sure their spouse was ok, I was still nervous.

I remember making a point to make genuine eye contact with every single person I passed, even the streimeled ones that weren't "allowed" to look at me. This country is full of heroes. Just living there, whether it be because they were born there, because they chose to follow a dream and move there from another country or just because they wanted to pay less tuition...whatever the reason, they are all heroes.

And today, the news of another bombing....it rips through your heart that people have to live like that. Because of facebook I am able to get a real sense of what my friends there are thinking and feeling.."just spoke to my kids, they are safe"..."my car shook when the bomb went off.."

They are all heroes. May God protect you and watch over you and may there be peace in our time.

Happy wednesday

Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday march 21, 2011

happy birthday husband #1

Tomorrow is husband #1's birthday. Last year, he celebrated his BIG birthday with his wife not speaking to him because of the 6 day blackout that preceded the big day(no, that wasn't his gift)....he also only received a snuggie because of those events(which has remained unopened to this day, along with the DVD player I got him for the birthday before that....)..but, I am happy to report that this year we are speaking and, hopefully, tomorrow will go smoothly. I even invited my in laws for surprise ice cream cake...because no ganchrow birthday is complete without carvel(and the subsequent lactose intolerance issues that follow....was that tmi?)

We met when he was 13....didn't start dating until 11 years later and will be married for 16 years in august, unless there is another really long blackout.....

He has recently learned how to load, turn on and unload a dishwasher...which will make him very marketable to his trophy wife..just one more thing to put on his impressive resume....

Happy birthday honey...the woman from craigslist is due to arrive around 9:30...

Happy monday

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thursday march 17 2011

Ahh, to be a Jew in persia...

Is it a coincidence that the fast of esther falls out on st patrick's day, but Purim isn't until Saturday night so we can't get toasted with our irish brethren?

Let's talk costumes. So, it's my understanding that dressing up on Purim started so we could emulate the heroes and one heroine of the Purim story (unless we wanted to be vashti.. I totally respect a woman who just says no....no matter what the consequence) children dressed as kings and queens...how sweet. I remember going as shaloch manot on more than one occasion, perhaps because I looked better in a large shopping bag covered with candy than in a form fitting queen costume....and then I could eat the candy and be even further away from fitting into a queen costume...ah, the vicious cycle of stress eating.....

Costumes today run the gamut, unless you live in a house of boys. Hockey player, baseball player, football player or basketball player. Take your pick. We have the equipment, we have various helmets and apparently we have several jerseys. As the only female, I try to encourage them to be creative.."wear a suit and a fake beard and go as your principal...that would be cute!" and I get the look...the "no, you really didn't just suggest the stupidest costume in the whole world" look. "why don't one of you wear a wig and go as a girl? That would be funny.." there's that look again. I can only try......

Purim is a special time for husband #1 because it is his birthday....the anniversary of when he unintentionally tried to kill his mother,( as his head was the same size when he was born as it is now..)He can read a 15 minute Megillah..it is one of his many talents(and that was his
birthday present, telling anyone who reads this that he has MANY talents...) so all in all it's a celebratory time for the whole family...mom can drink because it's permissible....dad feels important because it is his birthday...the kids can eat candy until it comes out of their ears..it's all good.

Here is wishing all of you a happy and healthy holiday...and may you fit into the costume of your dreams...

Happy thursday

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tuesday march 15 2011

Philosophical not funny......

Smart, successful, happy and good. If asked this question, which trait would you say you wanted to be or is most important to be? My rabbi, in front of an entire congregation(which I don't hold against him because I am a huge fan of his...)asked son #1 and son #2 this question. They both responded "happy"....and were then told that "good" is the correct answer.

Being. a "good" person is more important than being "happy". Well, I think I have to disagree. I don't think you can be truly good, unless you are truly happy. Now I know this debate can go on and on, and perhaps the real answer needs to be that they are mutually exclusive but, this is my thinking.....

There are so many "good" people, people who volunteer their time for various causes, give their money to many charities...who happen to suck as human beings. They are terrible friends, mean and nasty horrible ugly people who, for the most part, must not be happy or they would be kind. So what does being "good" really mean? Are you a good person because you do good deeds, which makes you look good to the public, but are poopies in terms of everyday life? (poopie being a technical term, of course) My rabbi tried to explain that when you do good things, the chemicals released from those actions make you feel happy...and I told him that those chemicals are only released after exercise or eating sugar (I didn't mention a third activity because he is a rabbi after all, and I needed to exercise some editing mechanisms...)

But if you are a happy person, for the most part(you could also just be a happy idiot who walks around just being clueless and drinking a lot, no, I am not talking about myself..) you want to do good things because it's part of your nature, yes, I know there are happy selfish people,
but at least they smile and try to make others feel happy...and if those others are made to feel happy, perhaps they will do good things...see my point?

Bottom line is that I was happy my kids answered "happy" because I always tell them that aside from being healthy, which is first and foremost, I want them to be happy. So, even if the rabbi told them they were wrong(which I respectfully disagree with) at least I know they listen to me.......and that makes me very happy!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wednesday march 9,2011

Crisis at THE GYM

So while spinning this morning...the power went out at THE GYM. Apparently, one of the unfriendly receptionists got hungry and mistakenly took an electrical wire for a piece of licorice and bit right through...ok, that's not really what happened (I don't think..but you can never be sure..) but as I walked through the gym and watched the people manually controlling the treadmills, ellipticals and stair masters (I, of course, got there earlier so I had done the treadmill already-power to the pudgies!!) I began to think of a brilliant idea...

Perhaps lulu lemon should sew generators into their clothing so if this happens again, the skinny minis can just plug the machines right into their clothing...brilliant!! Hey lulu, if you are reading this, have your people call my people..

Happy Wednesday...and I hope the power came back on, otherwise, there will be a lot of even crankier skinny people in Bergen county today!!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Monday march 7 2011

Don't mind me..I'm just venting....

In the olden days, when our phone wouldn't work, my dad would use the neighbors phone and say "I am a physician and I need this to be fixed as soon as humanly possible..it's a matter of life and death!" after all, the man was birthin' babies and needed to be reached 24/7...

Fast forward to now, when the morons at verizon are telling me that bad storms have the repairmen working all over the state and they can't get to me until Thursday....I've got nothing..I'm not a doctor, I no longer have infants who can choke on legos, husband #1 isn't a doctor either..though I'm wondering what would happen if I slipped some legos in his dinner..hmmmm...better not try it, cause the goddam phone isn't working....but wait, we have cell phones now, so when your house phone doesn't work, verizon can come whenever they please because there are no longer plausible excuses because we have cell phones...and if we tell them we have no cell phone and we are calling from a pay phone, the morons at verizon will know that we are lying because they know that there arent any pay phones anymore!!(are there pay phones? I haven't a clue....)

Boo hoo hoo, please feel bad for me because my phone doesn't work....no, don't. Feel bad for me because now that I am 40, I keep forgetting that it doesn't work and I keep picking it up to make phone calls!!!!!!!

Happy monday

Friday, March 4, 2011

Friday march 4,2011

Week in review..the good, the sad and the ugly....

As I sit here listening to the sound of a lawn mower coming from outside my window, instead of thinking of spring, I am thinking, crap, I fired my last landscaper, number 9, as we called him and now, it's almost spring, and I have to find another one.....wonderful.

But in all seriousness, another tragedy has befallen my community. Amongst all of the sickness, a young man has passed away. The details, I do not know, but whenever something like this happens, it makes one reflect on their behavior, their treatment of others....being a better person. Perhaps I should not have screamed at son #1 this week when he came downstairs in his school shirt and boxer shorts, holding his laundry hamper which, not surprisingly, weighs more than he does and said " mom, I have no pants..." thus began the rant that demonstrated my unfortunate similarities to Charlie sheen (does that mean husband #1 is my goddess??)

We all know that life is fragile and way too short, but we often forget and let the stupidity overtake us. As this week comes to a close, let us take a few moments to reflect on all of the good..our friends(the ones we really like, not the ones we pretend to like), our family(ditto from last remark), and all of the wonderful things that have been bestowed on us....whether it be the ability to pay for sleep away camp, the joy of fitting into lulu lemon, or the true blessing of being able to wake up in the morning....embrace all that is wonderful.

Happy Friday