January 19, 2010

pudgie, chubby, fat and beyond.....

It is no secret that I have always had issues with my weight. It started when I was younger and I had the pleasure of having an older sister (6 years older) who was blonde and skinny and perfect. My brother and I were not built the same way. Unfortunately. Our winning personalities and sense of humors were what kept us from being social pariahs (either that, or our friends were just afraid of us sitting on them...)

My mom used to buy entenmanns chocolate chip cookies for my sister. She would hide them on top of the refrigerator (great place to hide something from two chubby kids who were always near that same refrigerator.) She and my dad would go out. My sister would be studying in her closet (yes, she is smart too) and my brother and I would go to work. The entenmanns boxes in the 70's were easy to break into. All you had to do was go in through the side, bend the box a little at the perforation and you were in. We would quickly devour most of the contents. Replace the box and wait until the next day when my mom would try to figure out how an unopened box of cookies was practically empty....I still smile when I think of that look.

My dad has always joked that he wanted to write a book called "How I lost 1000 pounds," because over the course of a lifetime, someone who has issues with weight can gain and lose and gain and lose about that much. When I was 9 months pregnant with Jack (and Jonah..was MUCH thinner with Matthew) I was also weight-eligible to box in the heavyweight division or play professional football. I take full responsibilty for living on marshmallow iced devils food cake and tuna melt pizzas(dont ask, it will make you nauseous...)I fell madly in love with the man who gave me my epidural because anyone who can find that little, tiny spot on the back of a very, very large and cranky woman is a true hero in my book!!

Gain and lose, gain and lose....I spin my brains out, walk for miles, but food is love. The reason I write about this today is because I have hit bottom. Those with weak stomachs should stop reading now...I am going to confess my sin....

I had the pleasure of tasting something called Almond Roca buttercrunch. It was so good that I ordered some online. 96 pieces. 70 calories a pop. I got them on Thursday. They are all gone. I would need to walk to Chicago to burn those babies off. Am I embarrased? I probably should be, but tomorrow, I will go back on the wagon, the wheels might break, but that is where I will be.

Skinny people just don't get it. We all end up in the same hole in the ground...mine will just have to be a little bigger :)

Happy Tuesday and wish me luck. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels! (except for maybe peanut m&ms....)