Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Tuesday February 9, 2010

week of being positive day 2 ari..forgive me, I had to do it...

In an attempt to help make me a more positive person, my very positive husband came home with "10 Practical Guidelines for Positive Speech." Listen, you have got to give the guy credit. We have been married for almost 15 years and, surprisingly, he still has not succumbed to my evil ways. He gives charity, he does good deeds, he prays three times a day....some may think he is doing this to try and save my soul, but I am still convinced that he does it so we don't end up spending eternity in the same place...who knows...Anyway...here is my positive take on those guidelines. GOD forgive me. Don't worry, I will not be giving commentary on all 10, only the ones that work to my advantage.

Be kind to yourself. Speaking badly even about yourself is unethical.
-OK, in theory this is really sweet. But, if you want to be kind to yourself, go get a massage, as for me, I happen to enjoy making fun of myself if is part of who I am. If it were really unethical, why would I have been given so much material to work with? (and boy, do I have a L O T of material....) It is all a part of my negative narcissistic personality disorder. I can't tell you what is going on in government (except that another democrat has passed away, rest his soul, let's keep our fingers crossed for a republican replacement) But I can tell you how many people in a room I am fatter than...oo,not positive, but funny.

Don't listen to gossip. If you can't change the direction of the conversation, it is advisable to leave.
-oh my...restaraunts all over my neighborhood would be empty. People would be getting out of their cars in the middle of the highway and causing accidents...women would be falling off of their treadmills at the gym, cell phones would be seen being tossed out of workplaces and city buses....think of the totally anarchy if it was really possible to follow this one. I will try my best, but I have so few friends already, how many more people could I alienate by walking away from them mid-conversation-it is just plain rude!!

Always give others the benefit of the doubt and focus on the positive
-does anyone really do this? COME ON PEOPLE....sometimes, there is no positive, let's be honest. (I am soo going to hell...)

and I will conclude with this one...a personal favorite...

-there are so many directions I could take with this one. But tomorrow is a snow day and I have a feeling I will be home with the ones-i-love-most for an extended period of time....ok, I can't do it. Kind and supportive words-really? I leave an empty box of envelopes on the floor for 6 DAYS-6 DAYS and not one person bothered to pick it up and throw it out. They had to walk over it to get to the computer and no one threw it out????? Tell me how to be kind and supportive-really...I want to know.
(that was tame...after all, I am trying to be positive...)

So what have we learned from all of these lessons, I will tell you. Food is love. That is right, it all comes back to food. Open a box of marshmallow iced devils food cake and no gossip comes out. Rip off the top of a pint of rocky road ice cream, and you can't help but feeling you are being kind to yourself. Dig in to some yummy General Tzo's Chicken with rice and let the kind and supportive words flow(well,after eating that, it might not necessarily be words that are flowing..but you get the point.)

Yup, I can make anything come back to the love and support of food.

Happy Tuesday.....

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