Ode to extra innings...

As a mom of boys, and the crazy mom who goes on these baseball trips, I've prided myself on being a real trooper. There are few things more boring for a woman(am I really a woman?) than batting practice for a minor league team in Buffalo, but I have done it. Whether I pre-medicated is another story..but I was there, cheering for the home team, watching my boys catch god knows how many balls...and you know a house full of boys can never have too many balls..but I digress. Today we went to the st Louis cardinals vs the pittsburgh pirates at Busch Stadium(busch, as in anheiser busch..who makes the beer..no, we didn't go on the tour, no, I did not drink any beer, I did, however have a lovely rum and coke that I got "free" with parking at the stadium..anyway) So it's a gorgeous day in st Louis, husband number one sprang for seats with backs, the crowd is friendly, we get there two hours before the game for batting practice, and the day begins. The game starts..it's getting a little hot by our seats because even though they have backs, the backs are attached to metal benches. It's getting so hot that the fans are cheering when the clouds cover the sun. The game is still going on...5 hours later..tied 2-2..weve started the 14th inning..I'm pretty sure the couple infront of us have conceived a child...we are in the 16th inning, son #2 has grown a beard...the 17th inning, I have officially lost my mind. I draw the line at 17 innings and 7 hours at a baseball stadium-no matter how gorgeous the weather or how friendly the godam people are..if that kid behind me screams "let's go cards" one more time, I might have to impale him with the baseball bat we bought..and that would be really really wrong... So evil mom made the kids leave after 17 innings...the game went to 19...the cardinals lost...but it's all good because tomorrow I get on their good side again with a tour of the stadium and a trip to rams training camp... All in celebration of my 17th anniversary of being married to husband number one..and being all together is the best gift of all(and, of course, the only gift either of us will be getting as the five of us will be sharing a hotel room in Indianapolis..kindve like the plaza, but not really) Happy Sunday

The long and winding road

So here we are, road trip #7...I've learned a few things and I'd like to share them with you.. 1. It is perfectly fashionable for men to wear shorts, black socks, pulled up and penny loafers. It has to be because every where we have been, that is what the men wear. Not fashionable husband #1, of course, he wears high white socks and his sporty black orthopedic sneakers...much better! 2. It is safer to be in your car during a lighting storm than in a hotel. That's right, the geniuses at the front desk told us that when you are in your car, the rubber tires "ground" you and it's the safest place to be. Man, if we knew that, we would've slept in the car! ( fortunately, we didn't know that, because I have got to draw the line somewhere)... 3. Kosher pizza, anywhere in the Midwest, tastes like manna from heaven when you plan poorly and haven't eaten in 11 hours... 4. Cows in Minnesota, look like cows in new York...and I'm still the only one in the car who gets excited every time we pass some... 5. Kids get along better in a car, driving for hours and hours, with all of their electronic equipment dead, better than they do sitting around the Friday night dinner table for 20 minutes-why is that?!?!?! 6. Husband #1 might not be able to do a lot of things, but, he can plan one hell of a road trip :) Happy Monday!

the summer of shpilkis....

It's been a while since my last post. Seems I lost my blogging mojo(among my mojos for other things, but that's for another blog) but now I am back.  The summer of shpilkis...sent son #1 on a plane to a foreign land without the ability to send him food every week to make sure he doesn't physically disintegrate...everytime i look at my watch i try to figure out what he might be doing, and when what he might be doing is sleeping, i can take a deep breath and the shpilkis goes away, momentarily.  I was so preoccupied with his leaving, that i neglected to pack many things for sons 2 and 3...but they eventually got what they needed, and son #1 figured out how to by his own pillow in the foreign land...of course for the next few days he is sleeping in a forest with no cell reception, but if our forefathers could survive 40 years in the desert, I am hoping that a Ganchrow can survive 4 nights in the forest....I hope.


Clearly this summer is not the summer of Banji, as sons 2 and 3 come home in a week. Why? Why are they not staying for two months? Well, husband #1 and I gave them a choice..two months and no baseball trip or one month and a baseball trip. And as i stood infront of my beautiful boys, with my eyes closed tightly, fingers and toes crossed, praying "dear lord, let them choose camp, let them choose camp, I don't care how many kidneys i have to sell to pay for it..please choose camp,"  they chose the baseball trip.  Really?  I am the bitchiest, crankiest, moodiest mom...and these boys chose to spend 50 hours of driving with me(well, and their dad, who is the opposite of me)..are my packing/laundry/cooking abilities really that wonderful? are they that afraid of going to a minnesota twins game in their pajamas because I am not there to give them their clothes? That's right, i said minnesota.  Minne-freakin-sota. And Kansas City. And St. Louis.  Have you seen the wizard of oz? I am convinced our minivan, fuzzy dice and all, are going to get swept up in a Tornado.  I am even thinking of buying all of us matching ruby slippers...but, they chose me(and their father, again, the opposite of me) so i should just shut up, pack our set of matching garbage bag luggage, and appreciate the time I have with them...Hope you are all having a great summer...

Happy Tuesday

i love a parade..or not...

The israeli day parade.  When you are single, it is a time to search for dates. When you are engaged, it is a time to gloat in front of the singles.  When you come back with babies and strollers and screaming toddlers, it is a time to get dirty looks from the people whose feet you are accidentally mowing over with previously mentioned strollers and whose pants are now dirty from having your toddlers wipe their hands off on them because you have run out of baby wipes.  You are in such a daze you don't really pay attention to the folks you are seeing. You don't care if the beotch from high school gained weight..you just want to go home.

And then, you reach the point where I was today. Calm, no kids following me, hanging out with lovely people who I don't normally get to spend time with (and they don't even all read my blog and I was still happy to spend time with them.) I didn't even bring a chair..i was just enjoying the parade, screaming the names of my friends who were marching(and then screaming the names of my friends kids...of course some of those kids were ready to kill me for being so embarrassing..but, what can you do..) And did it even bother me that sons 2 and 3 finished marching before 12:30 and then son #1 didn't start marching until after 3? Nope...not at all. I didn't have to take anyone to the bathroom(myself included as i had stopped drinking all liquids by 8 pm last night in order to avoid the "having to find a bathroom" dilemma one encounters in parade situations, and I am fully aware that I am not as young as I used to be...), I didn't mind being ignored by the folks who ignore me when I am back home, I didn't even mind the torrential down pour because I wasn't wearing white and didn't have the potential to scare anyone if my shirt became wet.  It was all lovely.

And here are my ideas for future parades....I propose that all of the schools make banners with their tuitions. This way, the parade could also be an advertising campaign and we could find out where we could be saving money.  I propose that JNF, JCRC, Jordache, any hospital, any political candidate or any non profit that march in the parade give out candy. Or granola bars. Or little boxes of cereal. Or Tab.  I got a little hungry waiting to see my precious gems walk down fifth avenue and i would much rather have a hershey bar than another israeli flag that I am going to feel bad throwing out(am i even allowed to throw a flag out? is it like something with god's name in it? oh well..)

And that's it. Only two proposals. And of course, one involves food...
Hope you all had a glorious day and remember to be kind to one another because life is too short to be mean and cranky all the time...

Happy Sunday

Paul Anka and the Devils

So last night, I had to escort my mother to a Paul Anka concert.  For those of you who don't know who he is, google him( i hear he likes that after leaving his wife of 30 some odd years) anyway, I had to go with her because my dad apparently had a "meeting" he had to go to(game 5 of the eastern conference finals..Devils vs Rangers...he didn't actually see the game at the Garden, but in his living room, after his "meeting") and since I am the good natured middle child, I got stuck going to the concert.

We decided it would be best if I drove my mom's car because she has a handicap placard, but that decision was sort of silly because EVERYONE attending this concert had a handicap placard and I ended up dropping my mom off in front and parking three blocks away. Funny how all of those handicapped folks can walk a mile to see Paul, but need a parking spot right next to the entrance of costco...

Upon entering Bergen Pac, I felt especially young and surgically unaltered. I also realized that i might've been the only woman there who hadn't gone through menopause or colored her hair.  This audience was crazy for Paul...i guess it's the same as my going to a Rick Springfield concert..i turn 16 again..well, so did these folks.  There was singing and swaying and crying. Paul looks pretty fit for a guy in his early 70's(or any age, come to think of it)...the crowd went wild to classics like "Diana"(google it), "Put your head on my shoulders"(available on itunes) and the unforgettable "My Way"....(im sure there are several versions on you tube..)

But what was especially amusing, to me anyway, because I am evil, was that since the concert was an hour and 45 minutes long(and probably would've been longer had the vans from the nursing homes not shown up) and there was no intermission, many of these folks had to visit the restroom. Over and over again.  And since it was the senior set, some of them couldn't find their seats when they got back...old guys were shouting their wives names...it was funny and sad all at the same time.

He puts on a pretty good show that Paul Anka...my mom had a great time, the Devils won and we didn't get mugged walking back to our car. Of course when i got home my  youngest son the Rangers fan was not in a good mood, since he team lost AND his brothers tortured him the whole night, but that's just the way it is....at least my mom got to feel 16 again...

Happy Thursday

mothers day 2012

Another mother's day has come and gone. My boys did their very best to try and show me how much they appreciate me. Though, one of them was paying so much attention to the card he got me that he signed it "love, mom"...really...22 and a half hours of labor and you couldn't sign your name? The other son wrote me adorable poems to go with the breakfast that they brought me(aww, isn't that sweet, breakfast in bed...i only told them what i wanted 20 times in four different languages..but, at least they remembered the butter to go with the muffins) and husband #1 couldn't wait to go visit his mother so, you can imagine how that ended for him...but, regardless, mothers day 2012 ended with onion rings at my brother and sister-in-law's in the city so it could've been a lot worse... I have often said that i have no idea what i am doing as a mom. My kids have picked up on this, especially with my stellar following-through-with-the -punishment record that i have amassed over the years, but I always find such humor in the studies they do about parenting. As a mom who nursed, my favorites are those studies-nursing prevents ear infections(not), nursing helps babies sleep better(not), nursing helps moms lose weight(not). These recent "attachment parenting" studies really make me laugh because husband #1 was not nursed at all and he is pretty attached....But i am thinking they should be doing more relevant studies like the children who refuse to eat vegetables study..will that effect their future careers? the children who have selective hearing studies..will their future spouses be more apt to slam them over the head with a hammer? the children who don't know what a washing machine is....and so on and so on...Perhaps i should be taking notes and see how that all works out for my boys...who knows, one day i could be on the cover of Time magazine... But in the end, even though my history with mothers day has not been great, i truly believe that deep, deep, deep down, my sons appreciate all that i do for them. And i do it with all the love in the world because they are my world and being a mom is the greatest thing in the world....(wait, i just threw up in my mouth...must've been the muffin) Hope all you mothers out their weren't totally disappointed on mothers day...

My life as a sports metaphor....4/27/12

Last night was a big night in our home. Rangers won their game 7, which made husband #1 and son #3 happy and then the Devils won their game 7, which made the rest of the family happy. Problem was, the Devils game went into double overtime and didn't end until after midnite. So while husband #1 tiptoed(stomped, tiptoed, same thing..)out of this house at 630 this morning, evil mom had to deal with "the morning after"...(which takes on a whole new meaning in this saga...)and wake the boys for school. We will call this the 3 on 1 power play. Not pretty. I was a bad mom for making them go to school, even though I was a good mom for letting them stay up. Wait, I was a bad mom for letting them stay up....no, I was good...until this morning...the boys tried to kill time in this power play, but I was victorious and everyone got to school on time. But not before I became the irate player on the ice, who starts yelling at the ref and you can see all of the bad words he is saying on tv because they have yet to learn to edit that...that was me. I'm not proud to admit it, but mom dropped the f bomb several times during the power play...in game 7, you've got to do what you've got to do. I even started with the "if you don't get your f$&@& asses out here, you are never watching another playoff game for the rest of the season." really? Did I really need to say that? The team knows that all they have to do is give me a hug and a smile and they are off the bench. I'd be a really crappy coach..hopefully, I'm a better mom...maybe they'll get me a Stanley cup for mothers day. Or a whistle... Happy Friday and may all of your penalty kills be successful...