Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thursday December 16,2010

But since he didn't ask me......

My father in law is editing a bar mitzvah book. This means he is compiling a bunch of "words of Torah" written by esteemed rabbis and relatives alike, putting them together into a book, which people can then buy, and use those "words of Torah" at their bar mitzvas.....so you would think that having a daughter in law who is as talented as I am in the writing department(oh wait, he has never read my blog or anything else that I have written over the years) and the fact that I only have sons, he would have asked me to write something for the book...ahh, that wasn't to be...so, this is what I would have written, had he asked me, as sort of a humorous take on being a mother of the bar mitzvah boy.....well, not exactly, but the rejection is what has prompted this blog....

I love my sons...when they were born I thought their bar mitzvahs were millenniums away...but that was not the case. They went from breast feeding, to practicing their speeches in less time than it takes to say " why can't you pee in the toilet instead of on the toilet..". In the eyes of god, they are supposed to be men, but they look so freaking adorable in their suits...totally not like men, more like handsome older versions of their infant selves. Lately, while in the privacy of my car, the tears can't stop flowing when I think about how fast it's going...wasn't it just yesterday that i said to husband number one " uh, honey, I'm pregnant.." and he said "but son number one is only 7 months old..."
Wasn't it just yesterday?!?!?!?

Older friends of mine who only have sons have expressed how they feel about the non-existent roles that they played at their sons weddings (exept for that of the evil mother in law)...in gearing up for that, I am taking advantage of the very important role I have at their bar mitzvahs...making sure they practice their speeches so much that even the spiders in our house know the speech by heart, reminding them
to practice their Torah portion so they don't have 200 men correcting their mistakes, taking them for suits, picking out the menus, picking out clothes for me that I like, not some ridiculous color that my future daughter in law that I will love even if she has three heads and a tattoo,
has picked out for me....doing place cards, fielding responses, willing those relatives and out-of-towners that haven't responded to respond without my having to make threatening phone calls, making gift bags, picking out hostess gifts, boring my friends, who I love, with all of the inane details and breakdowns....but, I have enjoyed every minute of it...every single second, because THEY STILL NEED ME!!!!!!! my boys still need me....

I need a drink.....

Happy thursday

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