Lessons of Passover...

I write this with the wisdom of a biblical scholar. If you are home for passover, it is never too early to start shopping. They run out of diet coke, so buy early and buy often, but only buy if it is 5 for 5 dollars. Do not buy soda in any place but a chain supermarket or they rip you off. Unless you work and you have no time to go to 8 different markets.  They also run out of chocolate bars and lollycones. Again, buy early, buy often and only buy on sale. Of course, if you are me, you eat all of the ones with the nuts in them before them holiday actually begins...and that is ok.

You can have too much free matza. Repeat..you CAN have too much free matza.
You can never have too much wine, because, well, you just can't.

Also, i have discovered that my biggest loser sweatshirt doubles as an apron...now that is a good quality piece of merchandise!

Wishing all of you, no matter where you are, a wonderful rest of this holiday. Cherish these moments because before you know it, that little boy fetus that you felt move in your tummy in the kiddush room of the Concord Hotel 18 years ago will be getting ready to graduate high school and go off to Israel....

Happy Sunday!

I am dead either way

I have blogged and written about this topic before.  Studies. On the news this morning, husband #1 turned the volume up because he saw the word DIET in the promo (I guess he was hinting at something) and the reporters were saying that a study was done on people who drink two or more diet drinks a day, and research found that those people die earlier from heart disease. In the same breath, the two skinny reporters started saying that a study was done on married vs single women and the married women had less of a chance of dying from heart disease. Husband #1 and I looked at each other and at the same time said "I guess those studies cancel each other out."  So the single women who drink diet soda have a better chance of dying from heart disease, but the fat, unhappy married women who drink diet soda might live longer because they are married?

what about the women who drink two or more cocktails a day? Or the women who take two or more zanax a day? or the women who only eat two bites of food a day?

So many studies, so little time...

Happy Sunday!

Yay..smaller clothes!!!

Son #1 is 5"11 and weighs less than 130 pounds. I would like to say he gets that from me, but, alas, he does not. Though, he does not get it from husband #1's side of the family either(phew...bet you thought I was almost giving them credit for something.) In any event, the other day, I found myself at Nordstroms, passing through to get to the swatch store(long story, actually, not that long, end of the story is...don't buy husband #1 a swatch, or any watch for that matter, the men working at the store wanted to know if he worked in construction because the watch was so badly damaged. Construction? wait, I am still laughing.) ANYWAY, on the door to Nordstroms was a sign welcoming the Sarah Jessica Parker Collection to the store.

Is she selling teeny tiny clothes and teeny tiny shoes? Here I was, out in public, makeup on(holy crap I am over 40), feeling reasonably human(until I pass lululemon and I want to walk in just so I can record them asking me to leave because I am too big to even fit through their door, wait, I don't have a phone that can record..)and Nordstroms is welcoming a new line of clothing/shoes(i don't know what is in her collection, I just know there won't be any of it in my closet) made by a teeny tiny person who is marketing her wares to a population that only eats Kale.

So I took a deep breath, held my head up high, and walked right to the Baked by Melissa kiosk, where the woman serving the cupcakes was one of my big friendly sistas and she was more than happy to sell me some baked goodness that was just my size.

And order was restored to the world

Happy Wednesday!

I can be serious too....

I always try to make people laugh. It is what we fat folks like to do. It bolsters our self esteem. But, today I am going to be serious.  Real writers are one's that can share all. Every secret, every emotion..though it may seem to some that I do, it is mostly all from the surface. Nothing too offensive, nothing too personal. Well, today is a very personal day for me. 10 years ago today, I lost my baby. Granted, he wasn't a "real" baby by medical standards, he was a 16 week old bunch of cells that decided not to stick around. Even though I went through that experience twice after, for some reason, this date is always the most raw.  The whole experience was horrible. I remember the doctor's appointment that was two days prior to my "procedure" like it was yesterday. What I wore, that I drove carpool for son #3's nursery school. Lying on the table while the doctor was looking for the heart beat, I remember joking with her that it must be difficult to find the sound with all that extra fat protecting the baby.  But there was no sound.  There was no more baby. It took a long time to recover from each loss, but now I just take a few moments on this day to reflect. To shed a few tears. And to appreciate what I do have.

The Tefillin Bandwagon

Spoiler Alert: I am not an expert on anything having to do with Jewish Law. I went to yeshiva for elementary school, high school AND college and due to childbirth, age and probably plain old stupidity, I have no recollection of much of what I have learned...except if a cow falls into a ditch on my property, I am responsible for the cost of the cow.  I also must confess that in college, I failed the course on the Sabbath, a "holiday" that I celebrate every week of my life. I failed it. And had to take an incomplete. There...it's all out in the open. Now you can take whatever I write with the grain of salt that it is worth.

Many orthodox women are unhappy with their role in the religion. I happen to be perfectly content with not having to pray three times a day(though I still get credit for making sure my boys get there), with not having to read from the Torah and many other rules the men are "required" to do. The orthodox view on homosexuality upsets me. We are supposed to be a welcoming religion, not one that ostracizes.  The orthodox view on abortion upsets me. And yet, I continue to be a part of this branch of the religion because there are things that are beautiful about it and it is a tradition that has been passed down to me. I don't always agree with husband #1 on the rigidity of it. There are things we just can't question, even if the questions are endless...

If there are young women who have taken on the responsibility(not sure that is the correct word, but, again, I am not an expert on anything, except for maybe snack foods) of putting tefillin on, either because it is something they have decided on their own, or their families have a tradition of doing so, good for them. They aren't asking to pray on the men's side of the mechitza, they aren't asking for a female circumcision, they are asking to continue doing something that has become the norm for them. They are not doing it by rote, like so many boys do....they are doing it because they want to, this is how they choose to celebrate their religion(i am just assuming this, again, I know nothing) And I applaud the principal who allowed them to do so.

We all have our opinions. We all can agree to disagree. That is what makes life interesting.

Happy Sunday

Merry Xmas

I love this time of year. The lights. The decorations. The visions of sugar plums dancing in my head(oh wait, that vision is actually me dancing in the mirror.)  It is a beautiful time of year. Husband #1 actually proposed in front of the Rockefellar Center Christmas tree(isn't that a joke)...well, he didn't actually propose, he tried to propose, but he thought the ring fell out of the gloves he bought me and  then when i finally realized that the ring was in the glove, he was in such a state of panic that he sort of just looked  at me, his eyes glazed(like he looks at me now, most of the time) and I just assumed he meant to propose because i was holding a diamond engagement ring in my hand and people around us were clapping(no, his parents weren't there.)

Totally not the point of the blog. I am certain that the reason why I am jewish is so I cannot celebrate Christmas.  If i did, I  would need to have a tree. A beautiful tree. Every year. With lots of decorations(which I am assuming would be sports related).  When I  think about husband #1 going to get the tree, tying it to the hood of the van, bringing it into our house, setting it up and then removing it when the holiday season is over(which, I am assuming if this were a true scenario would be some time in July) I realize that this is why i celebrate a holiday that involves putting some menorahs on a table(that I bring up from the basement)and then putting it all away 8 days later.

But I still love this season. And I will still wake up Christmas morning hoping that some guy fell down our chimney with lots of presents...

Happy Tuesday!

Birthday Blog 2013

Yes, I am no longer 40..I am now 43.  I cannot change the name of my blog because, quite honestly, I have no idea how to do that.  There, now you know.

I have been having a wonderful birthday.  What I have learned about birthdays is that you think people don't think about you the way you might think about them, but then they surprise you. Yes, I am not saying something negative.  Maybe 43 is the start of something new. Maybe the fact that we only lost power for 15 minutes instead of 7 days has changed the karma of my being.  I got wonderful gifts, including a coconut lime cake that was a totally incredible gesture of kindness(and to make sure that I stay a good 50 pounds more than the person who baked it).  But my day began with a miracle. My day began with husband #1 waking the boys up for school, the boys giving me cards and then going downstairs to a kitchen decorated with a birthday banner, balloons(which included a very large princess balloon, because "you are a very large princess"..at least for today-tomorrow, I will just be very large..and that's ok)..and, I FINALLY got the corn muffin that i have been waiting for since Mother's Day.  So what if took 6 months.  It was a muffin, it was fresh and I ate it with a big smile on my face.

We won't go into the hair coloring fiasco because that would be negative...and I am no longer a negative person. At least not today.

Thanks for all of your birthday wishes and may all of your karma be good!

Happy Friday