why passover is like having your first baby.
an essay in sleep deprivation and crankiness
by, banji d. latkin-ganchrow
T minus 72 hours until the big passover festival. As i have said before, i have not been able to complain or ask for help in these preparations because it is my decision to stay home and be with my family, since last year, we were the only ganchrow representatives who kept my in laws company at the granit. Husband #1 and his offsprings have been all-to-happy to accommodate my requests so, needless to say, cocktails have been coming in quite handy and all of the checkout gals at stop in shop, shoprite, fairway and pathmark know my name...but in getting ready for this week of tradition, it hit me, that getting ready for this holiday, is like getting ready for your first born(hence the title). How? you may ask(but probably arent because you are either packing to go away or cleaning to stay home..) here is my analysis.
When you find out you are pregnant, you have months to prepare. You read those stupid books that usually end up scaring the crap out of you, you watch "a baby story" on tlc, which usually ends up scaring the crap out of you...you get weighed in at the doctor every month(see where i am going with this?) but you have almost 9 months to prepare(10 months if you were pregnant with son #1)...but cant really get the rest you need because of the heartburn, alien kicking you from the inside, etc..And you have your spouse who gives you words of encouragement, takes you to lamaze(where you almost get thrown out because of the bickering), helps you around the house(this, of course, is all in theory..) But with all the time you have before this miraculous event occurs, once that adorable little sucker pops out(or is vacuumed out, or surgically removed..take your pick) you are ON!! On, i say, no more trying to sleep, there is no sleep. Your boobs become soda dispensers and you are on....But, of course, you have your supportive spouse who opts to go to work the next day because he is just not equipped to deal with this and the poor baby needs his rest...and im not talking about the actually baby...
When preparing for passover, you have weeks to make your lists, do your shopping, cooking and cleaning(and screaming at those who mess up what you just cleaned, but, whatever.) You research where cream cheese is cheapest(fairway-1.50 for 8 oz container) how many free 5 pound boxes of matzo you can fit into your house(is 50 pounds really too much for one week?), try to figure out why dixie cups are almost 16 dollars for 12?!?!(unless you get them at fairway for 9.99, but only two packs, which means there will be fighting amongst the troops when it comes to eating them and if husband #1 thinks he is getting any, he sadly mistaken...) And then, of course, while you are doing all of this and cooking, you have to sympathize with your friends who dont know how many t shirts to bring with them to florida and man, if they have to go to target one more time for flip flops they are just going to lose it!!(boo hoo hoo)
And then, in the blink of an eye...passover is here and you pray that there isn't a bag of oreos in the coffee table because then your psycho husband wont let anyone into the family room...because once its here, you are ON! it didnt matter how long you had to prepare....you are on-trying to figure out how to make crushed pieces of matza taste like stuffing...and then, in the blink of the other eye, its over and you have one night to undo all of the work you have been doing over many weeks..it all goes back to its home in the basement until next time.
OK, that is where passover and having your first child differ, you cant put the baby in the basement until the next time, because that would be very wrong...but i hope you got my point(which, i hope there was one, and not just my usual incessant ramblings..)
I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday, wherever you are. Take the time to appreciate your family(even though you might kill them and chalk it up to the four cups of wine)appreciate your hard work(unless you are away, and then appreciate who ever paid for it..) and thank god for all of your blessings...