friday march 16, 2012

wife before mother

many of you were kind enough to send me the link to the article written by some woman about her take on being a boy mom and the "demands" she was going to make of her future daughters in law. Lady, i got to tell you..you are in big trouble. Some of us have crappy mother in laws and great husbands. Some of us have great mother in laws and crappy husbands. Some of us have crappy both and some of us, a very few, select group, a group that is so few that it might be an urban myth...some of us have amazing mother in laws and amazing husbands(seriously, are you thinking that i am in that group? do you know me at all?) And the woman who wrote that article is in for a rude awakening because the bottom line is, our sons could be our best friends in the whole world, we love them more than anything...but lady, once they get married..the torch is passed and as soon as you learn that the better.

Wife before mother. I have said this many many a time. If your son puts his wife first, everyone will be happy. If he can only call you once a week from a closet in the basement that is sound-proof, cherish the call and move on. Find a support group...take up drinking(unless, of course, you have already)..do what you have to do to get through it...but you get what you get and you dont get upset(unless of course, you are me...or maybe you...but you get my point.)If your daughter in law wants you to babysit at 530 in the morning, smile and say "yes, please, may I have another?" Because when you only have sons, that is the way it's got to be. No daughters to fall back on and bitch to about the girl their brother married and where did you go wrong..blah blah blah. I know where i went wrong and when I meet these girls for the first time i will say "Im sorry, he doesnt know how to do anything, but i will cook and clean for you to make your life a little easier." Every mother thinks their son is a gem..perfect...some of us need to be realistic. Dont get me wrong, they are perfect and they are gems..but only to us, their moms. To their wives they might be lazy, messy smelly bastards who fart all the time and dont know what a laundry hamper is. So we, as mother in laws, need to ease the transition. To make our daughters in law aware that we know we weren't perfect moms. To help out in the most non-conspicuous and intrusive manner possible(please, take more of my jewelry..whatever you want, really, i want you to have it..all of it!!) Not wearing a white gown to their wedding, not telling them that they should write thank you notes, not telling them it isn't normal for their babies to be eating candy...Our jobs, as the mothers of only sons, it to make our daughters in law feel that they are the queens and we are a distant..very very very distant second(unless, of course, our sons have daughters, please god, and we are pushed even further back in the rankings...)

The woman who wrote that article needs to cherish the years she has with her boys, and then when they marry, put her ego away and take it as it comes. Because that is all we can do.

Happy Friday