Monday february 13, 2012

you can't make this stuff up...

Some of you think i exaggerate some of my tales. Truth is, i do tend to use my poetic license from time to time. And then, there are those other times, when I wish I could make stuff up. Like when husband #1 and I were first married and after the ceremony, we went into a room together to "be alone" for the first time..I was all giddy and excited and he, well, he spent the next 20 minutes in the bathroom. I am not making that up.

Or when the boys were little..really little, like 1 and 2 years old little, and one of them came in to my room to tell me that the other one was playing with chocolate and got it all over the carpet. It wasn't chocolate. And it was all over the carpet. I am not making that up.

And then there was this past weekend. We attended the bar mitzvah of a very adorable boy who lives next door to us. Since it was at a hotel, husband #1 decided to pack his very favorite suit. He loves that suit. He bought it for son #1's bar mitzvah(and then wore it to son #2's bar mitzvah..those poor middle children, can't even get their parents to buy some new clothes for their celebrations...) It is his best suit. He even has a tie that coordinates with the suit.

So we are at the bar mitzvah, it's Friday night. We had just finished a lovely dinner that was accompanied by lovely cocktails, lovely conversation and lovely speeches and we were perusing the desserts hoping to find some stella doro cookies(for husband #1) or linzer tarts(for the fat trophy wife)since all we found was not what we were looking for(but all beautifully presented, just too fancy for the folks in the cheap clothes) we engaged in more conversation. While trying to convince a friend of ours about the joys of cruising..how he should take his wife on a short cruise, just to see if he would be sea sick the whole time, husband #1 chimes in and says "does it smell like something is burning?" I sniffed and said yes, and while saying yes, i notice the smoke billowing out from husband #1's back and I say, perhaps a little too loudly "Holy crap honey(see, I said honey,actually, that was poetic license) you are on fire!!" (and not on fire like, lets rush up to our hotel room and put out the fire, wink wink..it was an actual holy&*&* you are on fire, fire...)

Yes, husband #1 had sat on a candle and set himself on fire. Like Michael Jackson in the pepsi commercial fire. Like...well, like what happens when you aren't paying attention and you sit on a candle fire. It was funny and sad all at the same time because upon turning around to let me assess the damage, he, indeed, had burned a hole through his favorite suit. (but THANK GOD, he was ok...pheww...party planner avoided a HUGE lawsuit...we can still be friends with the people who made the simcha...)But the suit jacket did not fare as well. And fat trophy wife spent the next day asking anyone in a suit, where they buy their suits. Poor husband #1, he has to live with me AND it looks like I burn him with cigar butts....

Fortunately, he had brought a second suit with him, which, to me, looked exactly like the first suit, but who am i to judge, as I walk around in my biggest loser sweatshirt, and he stayed away from anything with a flame for the rest of the weekend(which was not easy to do, since he was with me, wink wink...yuck, i am kidding.)

And today, I will be bringing the ill-fated jacket to our friend the dry cleaner, to see if he can work a miracle and fix the poor thing.

To be continued, because there should be a ton of material in suit shopping with husband #1....

Happy Monday