Saturday, January 21, 2012
It's another saturday night..husband #1 took the boys to a Nets game, courtesy of cheap tickets on stubhub(is there any other kind of ticket?) and i'm home doing typical Cinderella stuff. Many of you think that I should get a job to contribute to the financial well being of my family. To you, I say..bite me. I am currently wearing a 22 year old tshirt that I think i bought in great adventure with my friend Deva and pants that i got at target on sale...I bought 48 boxes of pasta when they were only 49 cents each and the black dress I wear to various weddings and bat mitzvahs is the same one I wore when i got married..(well, I didn't wear it to my wedding..i wore it the night after my wedding..insert lewd comment here)..
Anyway, the one good thing that husband #1's parents taught him(see, giving credit where credit is due) was the importance of taking a vacation without your children(refrain from comment here..). I have been quite lucky that for the past few years, we have taken some really nice vacations sans kids. But last year I realized that son #1 will be going to Israel in the blink of an eye, and since he is a son and not a daughter, that, I hear from many wise moms-of-boys, is the beginning of the end(good end for the son, bad end for the mom)And that is when I broke the bad news to husband #1- no more vacations without the kids. They are coming with us..wherever we go. I don't care if they fight, throw things at each other, yell, scream, wrestle..goddamit, those kids are coming with us because we love them and soon, they will only want to be with their in laws and we will never see them again unless we end up in the hospital(god forbid) or beg and plead for them to come for a visit...not a long visit, just enough for them to drop off the grandkids and go on vacation. Wow, that was some tangent.
We are taking the kids on vacation...the past two years, our vacation involved son #1 and I raising over 7 thousand dollars for chai lifeline so we could do the half marathon. This year, we are taking them on a cruise. A classy, white trashy, man do i look skinny Carnival cruise. Yes, Carnival owns the cruise line that sunk. Yes, i saw the pictures...yes, I am still going. No, I will not be drunk the whole time(alcohol is extra, silly, and if I am shlepping 24 cans of fanta for husband #1, do you really think I can spend money on alcohol???) I am hoping the boys will bond and realize how lucky they are to be going on a vacation and spending it together..I am hoping that they will take a vacation from fighting and won't throw each other over board(though I know there are security cameras everywhere when i tried to get rid of husband #1 the first time we cruised...) I am hoping they appreciate the fact that their father and I are giving up alone time, so we can take in all of the precious moments that life gives us, but that pass all too quickly.
Who am I kidding...I hope they find friends and leave me alone for a few hours...
Happy Saturday
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
monday january 9, 2012
excuse me, im having a hot flash, is this seat taken?
Before i begin my "holier than thou" monologue, this blog does not apply to any one related to the person who made the simcha or the people who did the right thing, and you know who you are....and here i go...
This past sunday I attended the festive circumcision of a young man who was born into one of the most amazing families I know. Wonderful aunts and uncles, incredible grandparents..the whole 9 yards. Yet, when i entered the room where breakfast was being served, i was surprised to find most of those people standing, along with various middle-age to elderly friends and other assorted relatives of the family. And while these kind older people were standing (and when i say older, i dont mean they look older, they all look fabulous, just, chronologically, they happen to be older...) there seem to be an overabundance of young people sitting. And when i say young people, i mean people under the age of 6 and their parents, who are under the age of 30.
This brings me back to my self righteous opinion of "who is a good person." Is a good person someone who covers their hair and doesn't make out with their husband in public(yuck..sorry husband #1) or is a good person someone who gives their seat, and the seat of their snotty nosed child(or in the case of this particular function, snotty nosed children) to an elderly couple who can barely stand...hmmmm, let me think...Yes, i know this was a sunday morning circumcision and you need to get the kids out of the house, but, right is right people. There are 50 gray haired young folks looking for seats, get your kids up and do the right thing...its not like you are still pregnant, you are nursing the baby at the table for gods sakes..baby is born, give up your seat!!
I firmly maintain that if your child is not yet old enough for you to cut his hair, he should not have his own seat when there are older people standing. If your child does not know the difference between a pancake and a napkin(and is happy to chew on either) he should not have a seat..im just saying....I did not know the majority of the people at this simcha, probably because they arent old enough to attend the pre-menopause support group that i attend, but i was not very impressed.
Man i feel better. Yes, i know i need professional help....
Happy Monday
Before i begin my "holier than thou" monologue, this blog does not apply to any one related to the person who made the simcha or the people who did the right thing, and you know who you are....and here i go...
This past sunday I attended the festive circumcision of a young man who was born into one of the most amazing families I know. Wonderful aunts and uncles, incredible grandparents..the whole 9 yards. Yet, when i entered the room where breakfast was being served, i was surprised to find most of those people standing, along with various middle-age to elderly friends and other assorted relatives of the family. And while these kind older people were standing (and when i say older, i dont mean they look older, they all look fabulous, just, chronologically, they happen to be older...) there seem to be an overabundance of young people sitting. And when i say young people, i mean people under the age of 6 and their parents, who are under the age of 30.
This brings me back to my self righteous opinion of "who is a good person." Is a good person someone who covers their hair and doesn't make out with their husband in public(yuck..sorry husband #1) or is a good person someone who gives their seat, and the seat of their snotty nosed child(or in the case of this particular function, snotty nosed children) to an elderly couple who can barely stand...hmmmm, let me think...Yes, i know this was a sunday morning circumcision and you need to get the kids out of the house, but, right is right people. There are 50 gray haired young folks looking for seats, get your kids up and do the right thing...its not like you are still pregnant, you are nursing the baby at the table for gods sakes..baby is born, give up your seat!!
I firmly maintain that if your child is not yet old enough for you to cut his hair, he should not have his own seat when there are older people standing. If your child does not know the difference between a pancake and a napkin(and is happy to chew on either) he should not have a seat..im just saying....I did not know the majority of the people at this simcha, probably because they arent old enough to attend the pre-menopause support group that i attend, but i was not very impressed.
Man i feel better. Yes, i know i need professional help....
Happy Monday
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Sunday January 1,2012
It's 2012??
I am not quite sure how we got to 2012. I mean, I know how we got here, but I still can't believe that another year has gone by. Looking back, I still remember thinking that I was going to be 30 in the year 2000 and that seemed like a million years away and now it's 2012 and I'm way past 30...(but still look like I'm 28 and act like I'm 12...) I was speaking with someone over the weekend who was saying that every day feels like the same thing..over and over again, truth be told, to a certain extent, she is right, but with all of the crappy things that have happened to people I care about this year, I will take the monotony over uncertainty any day(of course I say this as I am lounging in bed while husband #1 is playing the role of referee while son #3 is screaming his brains out and sons 1 and 2 are running for cover..) There is something to be said for knowing what comes next, or at least thinking we know what comes next...
And as I watched the new weight watchers commercial at the stroke of midnight(god bless that Jennifer Hudson...can't wait to see what song she sings when she gets pregnant again..), I thought of my resolutions for the new year. We had our "young friends" over last night(and it got pretty crazy with three of their kids over..) and I asked my friend what her resolution was and she replied "not to yell so much." And that is when it hit me. I am not making any new years resolutions because if I have learned anything in my 41 years of life, it's that I suck at the follow through.
I would love not yell so much and have my kids think I am Mary Sunshine...but that's not going to happen. If anything, my mood disorder keeps them on their toes. I would love to be a nicer person, but I don't really like a lot of people because they continually disappoint you, so scratch that resolution. Basically, the only things I can resolve is that I will not kill anyone, on purpose anyway, I will not have an affair(too much effort and really, one is enough, husband that is, not affair, just to be clear) and I will try my best to try my best....that is all I can do.
Wishing all of you a happy and healthy 2012, filled with all the things you wish for yourselves...
Happy Sunday
I am not quite sure how we got to 2012. I mean, I know how we got here, but I still can't believe that another year has gone by. Looking back, I still remember thinking that I was going to be 30 in the year 2000 and that seemed like a million years away and now it's 2012 and I'm way past 30...(but still look like I'm 28 and act like I'm 12...) I was speaking with someone over the weekend who was saying that every day feels like the same thing..over and over again, truth be told, to a certain extent, she is right, but with all of the crappy things that have happened to people I care about this year, I will take the monotony over uncertainty any day(of course I say this as I am lounging in bed while husband #1 is playing the role of referee while son #3 is screaming his brains out and sons 1 and 2 are running for cover..) There is something to be said for knowing what comes next, or at least thinking we know what comes next...
And as I watched the new weight watchers commercial at the stroke of midnight(god bless that Jennifer Hudson...can't wait to see what song she sings when she gets pregnant again..), I thought of my resolutions for the new year. We had our "young friends" over last night(and it got pretty crazy with three of their kids over..) and I asked my friend what her resolution was and she replied "not to yell so much." And that is when it hit me. I am not making any new years resolutions because if I have learned anything in my 41 years of life, it's that I suck at the follow through.
I would love not yell so much and have my kids think I am Mary Sunshine...but that's not going to happen. If anything, my mood disorder keeps them on their toes. I would love to be a nicer person, but I don't really like a lot of people because they continually disappoint you, so scratch that resolution. Basically, the only things I can resolve is that I will not kill anyone, on purpose anyway, I will not have an affair(too much effort and really, one is enough, husband that is, not affair, just to be clear) and I will try my best to try my best....that is all I can do.
Wishing all of you a happy and healthy 2012, filled with all the things you wish for yourselves...
Happy Sunday
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
tuesday, december 27, 2011
my name is banji and i am a loser...and that's ok...
well, the title of today's blog really says it all. I am actually afraid to find out how many of you agree with the first part of the title...i know many of you think i am a loud mouthed, witch like beotch with a fat bedonkadonk..and that is ok too, but, being a loser cuts to my core.
I grew up in a very lovely town, but really only had one friend who lived on "my side", well, two friends if you count the boy who was really smart and tutored me in math and went on to become a really religious rabbi with tons of kids(god bless). My parents never really sent me to camp and when they finally did, the only girl that was nice to me had people making fun of her because, according to husband #1, she used to walk around camp with a butterfly net- i never remember seeing her with a net, but i do remember her kindness towards me after the girl who i thought was my bff, turned out to be a real, well, a real not nice word.(look at me, exercising some self restraint..who knew that was possible.) Needless to say, it made me feel like a loser.
Anyway, fast forward to Stern College for Women and others, i started school not knowing really a soul and ended up knowing almost everyone(though, i still lost out to the israeli for secretary of the student council..not that there is anything wrong with being an israeli, but i still think she only won because she spoke fluent hebrew...no, im not still holding a grudge..losing builds character..and 15 pounds, but whatever..)
Ok so, graduate school...yadadada...marry husband #1...and that brings us to today, when i was volunteering at son #1's high school. The parent association hosted a lunch for all of the students and teachers. It was really, really nice.(no, i am not being sarcastic..) I was in charge of the tray of salad. Now, normally, in this skinny world we live in(that i am, apparently, the unwanted guest of...) you would think that salad would be the popular station. Everyone eats salad..right? No, not right. In fact, at an all boys high school it is very wrong. Extremely wrong, I think i need a therapist wrong...The salad, was, in fact, the loser station. I was manning the loser salad, which, in turn, made me a loser. It got so bad that, at one point, the boys would try to walk by me really quickly so they wouldnt have to hear my pathetic "salad, would you like some salad?" I even snapped at one of the kids with a " I know you can see me standing here with my spoon full of salad!!" It was not pretty. It was pathetic. I am such a loser.
But after eating three jelly donuts, i went to chico's and bought myself a pair of size 2 jeans and i felt a little better..(yes, I know they aren't really a size 2 in the real world, just let the loser be delusional for a little while....)
Happy Tuesday
well, the title of today's blog really says it all. I am actually afraid to find out how many of you agree with the first part of the title...i know many of you think i am a loud mouthed, witch like beotch with a fat bedonkadonk..and that is ok too, but, being a loser cuts to my core.
I grew up in a very lovely town, but really only had one friend who lived on "my side", well, two friends if you count the boy who was really smart and tutored me in math and went on to become a really religious rabbi with tons of kids(god bless). My parents never really sent me to camp and when they finally did, the only girl that was nice to me had people making fun of her because, according to husband #1, she used to walk around camp with a butterfly net- i never remember seeing her with a net, but i do remember her kindness towards me after the girl who i thought was my bff, turned out to be a real, well, a real not nice word.(look at me, exercising some self restraint..who knew that was possible.) Needless to say, it made me feel like a loser.
Anyway, fast forward to Stern College for Women and others, i started school not knowing really a soul and ended up knowing almost everyone(though, i still lost out to the israeli for secretary of the student council..not that there is anything wrong with being an israeli, but i still think she only won because she spoke fluent hebrew...no, im not still holding a grudge..losing builds character..and 15 pounds, but whatever..)
Ok so, graduate school...yadadada...marry husband #1...and that brings us to today, when i was volunteering at son #1's high school. The parent association hosted a lunch for all of the students and teachers. It was really, really nice.(no, i am not being sarcastic..) I was in charge of the tray of salad. Now, normally, in this skinny world we live in(that i am, apparently, the unwanted guest of...) you would think that salad would be the popular station. Everyone eats salad..right? No, not right. In fact, at an all boys high school it is very wrong. Extremely wrong, I think i need a therapist wrong...The salad, was, in fact, the loser station. I was manning the loser salad, which, in turn, made me a loser. It got so bad that, at one point, the boys would try to walk by me really quickly so they wouldnt have to hear my pathetic "salad, would you like some salad?" I even snapped at one of the kids with a " I know you can see me standing here with my spoon full of salad!!" It was not pretty. It was pathetic. I am such a loser.
But after eating three jelly donuts, i went to chico's and bought myself a pair of size 2 jeans and i felt a little better..(yes, I know they aren't really a size 2 in the real world, just let the loser be delusional for a little while....)
Happy Tuesday
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
wednesday december 21, 2011
happy spoiled brat day...just kidding
sometimes i think that i am the worst mom in the world, and at the same time, my kids are probably thinking i am the best mom in the world. Like when i insist on buying them vitamins, but because i have no memory, i forget to give them to them. Or when they tell me that they like white fudge oreos, i buy six boxes of them(after all, they say "limited edition" on the box-which i think is really just code for "we will charge you almost 4 dollars for 12 oreos). They don't like what i am serving for dinner-go ahead, eat 4 milky ways, i dont care. I really suck as a mom. As i have said before, I have no idea what i am doing and my boys are totally on to me.
So, a year later, we are back at chanukah. The holiday of miracles...the miracle of one night of oil lasting for eight nights, the miracle of husband #1 taking son #1 for a suit at the syms going out of business sale..(but, alas, there was no suit-so is it still a miracle? he came home with a belt...that's something, right?) and the miracle of buying gifts for my boys who are, actual, real life miracles. As i perused the aisles of target yesterday in search of some gifts(since i am the worst mom and hadn't gotten my miracles anything-i think i am still scarred from the polar fleece fiasco of 2005-who says boys don't cry-it was just a god dam sweatshirt, its not like i gave them homework for chanukah..geez, give your fat mom a break...)
Sorry, back to target. Nothing, i could find not one think that i thought they would like. Too old for coloring books and crayons(ahh, the good old days), can't buy a video game without preapproval because you can't return the game once it has left the store, books? yeah, that's funny. So i went to the department that i know best. Food.
That's right. For the first night of chanukah, son #1 got a family value size box of Honeycombs, son #2 got two packages of hershey bars(can you say dinner?) and son #3 got kit kats. I got laughs and big thank yous from two of the three sons, the third one will just have to learn to roll with the punches(both literally, and unfortunately, physically..why can't they just freakin get along?!)
My homemade latkas did get me some brownie points(though not from husband #1 because, what a surprise, he doesnt eat latkas even though i tried to convince him they are like flat french fries. The fact that i have to even try to convince a 41 year old man to eat anything still amazes me...but that's for another blog..)
so the moral of this story is when in doubt, the mantra of "food is love" can apply to any situation...even chanukah presents. I am hoping to pull off the gift of poland springs water bottle with the sports tops....it has the word sport in it-that's gotta count for something-right?
wishing all of you a happy and healthy holiday season...may we appreciate the gifts we get, the gifts we have and the gifts we give. That makes no sense, but my ambien is kicking in...
happy wednesday
sometimes i think that i am the worst mom in the world, and at the same time, my kids are probably thinking i am the best mom in the world. Like when i insist on buying them vitamins, but because i have no memory, i forget to give them to them. Or when they tell me that they like white fudge oreos, i buy six boxes of them(after all, they say "limited edition" on the box-which i think is really just code for "we will charge you almost 4 dollars for 12 oreos). They don't like what i am serving for dinner-go ahead, eat 4 milky ways, i dont care. I really suck as a mom. As i have said before, I have no idea what i am doing and my boys are totally on to me.
So, a year later, we are back at chanukah. The holiday of miracles...the miracle of one night of oil lasting for eight nights, the miracle of husband #1 taking son #1 for a suit at the syms going out of business sale..(but, alas, there was no suit-so is it still a miracle? he came home with a belt...that's something, right?) and the miracle of buying gifts for my boys who are, actual, real life miracles. As i perused the aisles of target yesterday in search of some gifts(since i am the worst mom and hadn't gotten my miracles anything-i think i am still scarred from the polar fleece fiasco of 2005-who says boys don't cry-it was just a god dam sweatshirt, its not like i gave them homework for chanukah..geez, give your fat mom a break...)
Sorry, back to target. Nothing, i could find not one think that i thought they would like. Too old for coloring books and crayons(ahh, the good old days), can't buy a video game without preapproval because you can't return the game once it has left the store, books? yeah, that's funny. So i went to the department that i know best. Food.
That's right. For the first night of chanukah, son #1 got a family value size box of Honeycombs, son #2 got two packages of hershey bars(can you say dinner?) and son #3 got kit kats. I got laughs and big thank yous from two of the three sons, the third one will just have to learn to roll with the punches(both literally, and unfortunately, physically..why can't they just freakin get along?!)
My homemade latkas did get me some brownie points(though not from husband #1 because, what a surprise, he doesnt eat latkas even though i tried to convince him they are like flat french fries. The fact that i have to even try to convince a 41 year old man to eat anything still amazes me...but that's for another blog..)
so the moral of this story is when in doubt, the mantra of "food is love" can apply to any situation...even chanukah presents. I am hoping to pull off the gift of poland springs water bottle with the sports tops....it has the word sport in it-that's gotta count for something-right?
wishing all of you a happy and healthy holiday season...may we appreciate the gifts we get, the gifts we have and the gifts we give. That makes no sense, but my ambien is kicking in...
happy wednesday
Sunday, December 11, 2011
sunday, december 11, 2011
bring back the olden days...
today I went to go see the muppet movie with sons #2 and 3 and husband #1. I loved it. I realized that i loved it for many reasons, but the most important was that it brought me back to a different time. A time in my life when my grandparents were still alive, when everyone seemed healthy, when calories didn't count, when you could go to sleep when it was thundering and lighting outside and didn't worry about losing power or your basement flooding or roof leaking, when you didn't know what the word tuition meant and everyone seemed to be nice to each other and played well with others(well, i always seemed to have a problem with that one...). It made me think about sleepover parties and telling my parents that i was making myself lunch for school, when i was really just eating the lunch that i had made and was sneaking some tv on the teeny tiny black and white set they had in the kitchen...good times, simple, worry-free times. Man, this is going in a much more depressing direction than i originally intended...
though i am happy to report that today i am blogging from my new computer. This computer represents the end of a year long battle with husband #1 who kept insisting that his two older sons would let his youngest son type and print stuff for school on their laptops. I have to believe that he truly felt that this would happen and not that he was just trying to push off making the purchase.(see, i can be a positive thinker.) But, alas, that was never to be. I had to bring son #3 to Fair Lawn to use his grandparents computer and printer...others who live closer had offered, and it was appreciated, but there is nothing more fun than sitting in traffic on route 4 so your son can write a 5 sentence paragraph on the merits of sea travel to Asia....
But now that we have this computer and printer, i plan to take full advantage and put my writing to good use. I have no idea what that is, but i still dream that i will become famous and make people around the world laugh at me.(or is it with me...probably both.)
Hope you are all feeling well and having a nice day and that when you close your eyes, you can bring yourself to a happy place and then when you open your eyes, that happy place is right where you are....
Happy Sunday
today I went to go see the muppet movie with sons #2 and 3 and husband #1. I loved it. I realized that i loved it for many reasons, but the most important was that it brought me back to a different time. A time in my life when my grandparents were still alive, when everyone seemed healthy, when calories didn't count, when you could go to sleep when it was thundering and lighting outside and didn't worry about losing power or your basement flooding or roof leaking, when you didn't know what the word tuition meant and everyone seemed to be nice to each other and played well with others(well, i always seemed to have a problem with that one...). It made me think about sleepover parties and telling my parents that i was making myself lunch for school, when i was really just eating the lunch that i had made and was sneaking some tv on the teeny tiny black and white set they had in the kitchen...good times, simple, worry-free times. Man, this is going in a much more depressing direction than i originally intended...
though i am happy to report that today i am blogging from my new computer. This computer represents the end of a year long battle with husband #1 who kept insisting that his two older sons would let his youngest son type and print stuff for school on their laptops. I have to believe that he truly felt that this would happen and not that he was just trying to push off making the purchase.(see, i can be a positive thinker.) But, alas, that was never to be. I had to bring son #3 to Fair Lawn to use his grandparents computer and printer...others who live closer had offered, and it was appreciated, but there is nothing more fun than sitting in traffic on route 4 so your son can write a 5 sentence paragraph on the merits of sea travel to Asia....
But now that we have this computer and printer, i plan to take full advantage and put my writing to good use. I have no idea what that is, but i still dream that i will become famous and make people around the world laugh at me.(or is it with me...probably both.)
Hope you are all feeling well and having a nice day and that when you close your eyes, you can bring yourself to a happy place and then when you open your eyes, that happy place is right where you are....
Happy Sunday
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday December 4,2011
Why are you screaming...they still aren't making the playoffs...
Due to technical difficulties, my first blog did not post, due to my technical difficulties, I had no idea how to fix that so, let's try again....
1. Son #1 wants me to blog about procrastinating...mrs.reichardt, if you are reading this, he is TOTALLY studying for history and not watching his beloved Vikings lose...again..
2. Danny Terio called from Solid Gold(was that his name?) he wants his sequins back....(if you wore them the first time around, perhaps reconsider wearing them the second time....I'm just saying...)
3. Congratulations to ET Dubin, the cutest player in tabc jr hockey(please moms of other cute children, don't take offense to that, he is sitting right here and wanted me to write that)for scoring an awesome goal last night..,
4. Someone explain to me how son #2 can click something on his computer and the printer in his room...up a flight of stairs...not connected to the computer...can print something. And with all that technology, I still gain weight from eating ice cream-can't there be an app for that?!?!?
5. Please husband #1, forgive me for making fun of you...but, if there wasn't so much to work with, I wouldn't have such great material....
6. Please think good thoughts and say a few prayers for all those who need it.....
Happy sunday
Due to technical difficulties, my first blog did not post, due to my technical difficulties, I had no idea how to fix that so, let's try again....
1. Son #1 wants me to blog about procrastinating...mrs.reichardt, if you are reading this, he is TOTALLY studying for history and not watching his beloved Vikings lose...again..
2. Danny Terio called from Solid Gold(was that his name?) he wants his sequins back....(if you wore them the first time around, perhaps reconsider wearing them the second time....I'm just saying...)
3. Congratulations to ET Dubin, the cutest player in tabc jr hockey(please moms of other cute children, don't take offense to that, he is sitting right here and wanted me to write that)for scoring an awesome goal last night..,
4. Someone explain to me how son #2 can click something on his computer and the printer in his room...up a flight of stairs...not connected to the computer...can print something. And with all that technology, I still gain weight from eating ice cream-can't there be an app for that?!?!?
5. Please husband #1, forgive me for making fun of you...but, if there wasn't so much to work with, I wouldn't have such great material....
6. Please think good thoughts and say a few prayers for all those who need it.....
Happy sunday
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