What would mom have done...
I have often said that the iPad is the greatest invention. I keep it next to my bed and when I'm awake in the middle of the night, I can go online. I can facebook stalk people, yes, I am publicly admitting it. I also admit that, at times, I get a bit carried away, but if you are going to post pictures, and I'm not sure what someone is doing in that picture, I have to do some facebook research(stalking) and find out what it's all about. Anyway, not the point I'm going for.
It's graduation season. I have been looking at picture after picture of the beautiful graduates. Kids that I have known for almost their entire lives...and the only question I have is did anyone who graduated with me in 1984 from elementary school get their hair done for graduation??????? Was I the only one who didn't? Now I know that I am one of the few and proud who doesn't get coiffed before various parties, but was I supposed to start back in 84?? Is that where I went wrong?
My mom used to get a perm that made her hair look like someone put a bowl on it and curled the ends around the edge of the bowl...it was real classy(sorry mom, but I've been making fun of that hair style for years) My paternall grandmother, who was quite the looker, used to go to the beauty parlor every week and had gorgeous, thick, fake blonde hair almost her entire life. And then, there is me, who gets her hair cut twice a year and usually wears it up in a clip. My point being, where did I go wrong? Is this something else I can blame on my mom?
So I took out my 1984 yavneh academy yearbook....and there we were..the beauties of graduation. Nope, not a one had their hair professionally done...and we all survived....barely. Guess I will have to find something else to blame on my mom...
Happy Friday and congratulations to the class of 2011. May all your dreams come true....
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Frday June 10,2011
Weiners, wieners everywhere......
As many of you know I am not very political(or very bright) but this whole wiener thing has gotten me very upset. How many politicians have not been involved in some sort of scandal? How many politicians have not showed their wiener to a woman other than their wife? How many politicians live perfect, puritanical lives?
As a woman who lives in a house full of weiners, I fully support the big weiner in question(that would be Anthony, not a euphemism for husband #1) and hope he continues on his quest for mayor, governor, president..whatever dream he wants to fulfill-I support him(not financially, of course, nor can I vote for him-wait, is he a democrat?) because I believe that what a weiner chooses to do with his wiener has nothing to do with what he can do politically. (take, for example, the current wiener in charge of our country-no sex scandals, and look how fantastic he is doing....) so let's just leave this weiner alone.
And while we are on this subject, there was an article in the times(which we only got for two days while my parents were here) on mens swimsuits and how some styles are more flattering than others(which i really didnt understand because there is only so much you can do with a mens bathing suit, but, whatever...)This ties in with my weiner themed blog because two summers ago, I was at the swim club with someone, and I won't say who because I don't want to embarrass him, but it may or may not be someone I am currently or no longer married to, and while gazing at him in his lounge chair, my eyes happened upon something that should not have been showing, so I fully support the longer male swimsuit...don't care if it makes his legs look shorter or his belly bigger....some weiners need to stay out of the sun.
And there you have it.
Happy Friday
As many of you know I am not very political(or very bright) but this whole wiener thing has gotten me very upset. How many politicians have not been involved in some sort of scandal? How many politicians have not showed their wiener to a woman other than their wife? How many politicians live perfect, puritanical lives?
As a woman who lives in a house full of weiners, I fully support the big weiner in question(that would be Anthony, not a euphemism for husband #1) and hope he continues on his quest for mayor, governor, president..whatever dream he wants to fulfill-I support him(not financially, of course, nor can I vote for him-wait, is he a democrat?) because I believe that what a weiner chooses to do with his wiener has nothing to do with what he can do politically. (take, for example, the current wiener in charge of our country-no sex scandals, and look how fantastic he is doing....) so let's just leave this weiner alone.
And while we are on this subject, there was an article in the times(which we only got for two days while my parents were here) on mens swimsuits and how some styles are more flattering than others(which i really didnt understand because there is only so much you can do with a mens bathing suit, but, whatever...)This ties in with my weiner themed blog because two summers ago, I was at the swim club with someone, and I won't say who because I don't want to embarrass him, but it may or may not be someone I am currently or no longer married to, and while gazing at him in his lounge chair, my eyes happened upon something that should not have been showing, so I fully support the longer male swimsuit...don't care if it makes his legs look shorter or his belly bigger....some weiners need to stay out of the sun.
And there you have it.
Happy Friday
Monday, June 6, 2011
Monday June 6,2011
The art of exercise
In the early eighties, I had the joy of working out with Richard simmons. He came out with an exercise album(to be played on my ultra cool stereo)entitled Reach(I think that was the title...the record is still with the rest of my precious collection safe and sound within the confines of my white Formica bedroom set from rooms plus, god rest its retail soul)anyway, in those days, you couldn't see what he was doing(which is probably a good thing) but he would describe the exercises to you and you were able to follow along, more or less.
Then there was the Jane Fonda workout...to be played on your ultra modern video tape machine. I liked that workout mainly because I would put it in the machine, my mom would think chubby banji was partaking in some sort of physical activity that didn't involve climbing up on a kitchen chair to see what baked goods were being hidden from her, and then, with my mom safe upstairs, I would take a nap on the couch. It was win-win.
Over the years I have been to many gyms and have taken many different classes( no, really, I have, but thanks for playing into my low self esteem)I have always prided myself on being the fat chick who could keep up with the teacher. But, I'm sorry to report, that all of that changed today. My friend and I went back to the scene of the aquasize fiasco to try a "step II" class. There was no "step I" class being offered and since I hadn't taken a step class since the 90's, I figured how bad could it be.
It was bad. I think the teacher was on speed or maybe she wasn't a real teacher, but some sort of avatar that someone was pressing fast forward on because she was doing things on and off the step at the speed of light and I thought I was moving in slow motion, backwards,
with my feet in thick mud. It was the twilight zone of step classes and I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants.
We left the class and went down to the front desk to ask why the class was so complicated and why there was no beginners version and the lady said "oh, the classes here are very difficult." and all I wanted to say was, " Excuse me, but I was a member of THE GYM, where the most elite malnourished women in Bergen county spend their days burning calories that they dont consume and I kept up with them just fine...your gym sucks." but, I didn't. My friend and I did the treadmill and will have fond memories of the establishment that we will not be joining,
Happy monday
In the early eighties, I had the joy of working out with Richard simmons. He came out with an exercise album(to be played on my ultra cool stereo)entitled Reach(I think that was the title...the record is still with the rest of my precious collection safe and sound within the confines of my white Formica bedroom set from rooms plus, god rest its retail soul)anyway, in those days, you couldn't see what he was doing(which is probably a good thing) but he would describe the exercises to you and you were able to follow along, more or less.
Then there was the Jane Fonda workout...to be played on your ultra modern video tape machine. I liked that workout mainly because I would put it in the machine, my mom would think chubby banji was partaking in some sort of physical activity that didn't involve climbing up on a kitchen chair to see what baked goods were being hidden from her, and then, with my mom safe upstairs, I would take a nap on the couch. It was win-win.
Over the years I have been to many gyms and have taken many different classes( no, really, I have, but thanks for playing into my low self esteem)I have always prided myself on being the fat chick who could keep up with the teacher. But, I'm sorry to report, that all of that changed today. My friend and I went back to the scene of the aquasize fiasco to try a "step II" class. There was no "step I" class being offered and since I hadn't taken a step class since the 90's, I figured how bad could it be.
It was bad. I think the teacher was on speed or maybe she wasn't a real teacher, but some sort of avatar that someone was pressing fast forward on because she was doing things on and off the step at the speed of light and I thought I was moving in slow motion, backwards,
with my feet in thick mud. It was the twilight zone of step classes and I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants.
We left the class and went down to the front desk to ask why the class was so complicated and why there was no beginners version and the lady said "oh, the classes here are very difficult." and all I wanted to say was, " Excuse me, but I was a member of THE GYM, where the most elite malnourished women in Bergen county spend their days burning calories that they dont consume and I kept up with them just fine...your gym sucks." but, I didn't. My friend and I did the treadmill and will have fond memories of the establishment that we will not be joining,
Happy monday
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sunday June 5,2011
I love a parade....
So I'm lying in bed, it's 210 pm, and ive already been to the Israeli day parade, watched 2/3rds of my kids march(sorry son #1, you just didn't coordinated with our very busy schedule)came home from the city, had a lovely lunch with the two kids we saw march, actually, three kids, if you include husband #1 who still thinks he is the mayor of the parade....and I'm so tired I can't even move. Frankly, I find the whole thing rather depressing. I was too tired to walk around and socialize...I sat in the grandstand seats with a bunch of old folks and I actually fit right in!!
My thoughts on the parade are as follows.....just like obama wants to cut the borders of the state of Israel, so has the parade route been cut. Didn't we used to march past 86th street? When did the route get so short? Are we encouraging our kids to be lazy? I'm assuming the route has gotten shorter because security has gotten more expensive and not because they are methodically trying to cut the parade down to five blocks and a hearty handshake..who knows. And don't ask me who "they" are because I haven't the foggiest idea. All I know is that I'm so tired I need to go take a nap. Because I'm over 40...and because I thought it would be a good idea to get my walk in at 8 o clock in the morning....not such a good idea...
Happy Sunday
So I'm lying in bed, it's 210 pm, and ive already been to the Israeli day parade, watched 2/3rds of my kids march(sorry son #1, you just didn't coordinated with our very busy schedule)came home from the city, had a lovely lunch with the two kids we saw march, actually, three kids, if you include husband #1 who still thinks he is the mayor of the parade....and I'm so tired I can't even move. Frankly, I find the whole thing rather depressing. I was too tired to walk around and socialize...I sat in the grandstand seats with a bunch of old folks and I actually fit right in!!
My thoughts on the parade are as follows.....just like obama wants to cut the borders of the state of Israel, so has the parade route been cut. Didn't we used to march past 86th street? When did the route get so short? Are we encouraging our kids to be lazy? I'm assuming the route has gotten shorter because security has gotten more expensive and not because they are methodically trying to cut the parade down to five blocks and a hearty handshake..who knows. And don't ask me who "they" are because I haven't the foggiest idea. All I know is that I'm so tired I need to go take a nap. Because I'm over 40...and because I thought it would be a good idea to get my walk in at 8 o clock in the morning....not such a good idea...
Happy Sunday
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Wednesday June 1,2011 happy birthday Jed Andrew latkin
Another first at forty
Since I have turned 40, I have had the privelage to experience many different firsts...the first time I realized that there were so many grays on my head that pulling them out with a tweezers would only make me bald, the first time I said "man, it's really hot in here" and everyone else in the room was freezing, the first time I had an "I'm 40" mammography, the first time I realized it was easier to read without my glasses, and then there was what happened today. My friend and I, for the first time, and I'm sorry that we didn't invite more people to come because laughter IS the best medicine....we did AQUASIZE. In a pool. With other people watching.
Let me begin by saying that my friend is much younger than I am. And when I say much, she still has a 3 as the first digit. Between the two of us, the average age in the pool came down about 40 years...When we get to the class, the lifeguard with the two hearing aids speeds over to us with his walker a-blazing and says "ladies, you are going to need to wear some sort of plastic over your heads because your hair is too long." wait, there is a pool full of 85 year old women with possible bladder control problems and I need to put a bag over my head? Yes, we did. My friend and I put these adorable and fashionable little white plastic garbage bags over our heads....and the fun began.
Aside from feeling like we were on the set of cocoon...it was quite humorous. Now I am fully aware that if god grants me the ability to live to an old age, I am going to be one cranky bitch-but, I hope I will be able to have a lovely pink hairdo and green eye shadow, with matching earrings, and be able to get my fat tushy into an aqua size class-because these women were having a ball. And I think the two men were also enjoying themselves.
As for my friend and I...well, we were just happy that we didn't see anyone we knew.....
Happy wednesday
Since I have turned 40, I have had the privelage to experience many different firsts...the first time I realized that there were so many grays on my head that pulling them out with a tweezers would only make me bald, the first time I said "man, it's really hot in here" and everyone else in the room was freezing, the first time I had an "I'm 40" mammography, the first time I realized it was easier to read without my glasses, and then there was what happened today. My friend and I, for the first time, and I'm sorry that we didn't invite more people to come because laughter IS the best medicine....we did AQUASIZE. In a pool. With other people watching.
Let me begin by saying that my friend is much younger than I am. And when I say much, she still has a 3 as the first digit. Between the two of us, the average age in the pool came down about 40 years...When we get to the class, the lifeguard with the two hearing aids speeds over to us with his walker a-blazing and says "ladies, you are going to need to wear some sort of plastic over your heads because your hair is too long." wait, there is a pool full of 85 year old women with possible bladder control problems and I need to put a bag over my head? Yes, we did. My friend and I put these adorable and fashionable little white plastic garbage bags over our heads....and the fun began.
Aside from feeling like we were on the set of cocoon...it was quite humorous. Now I am fully aware that if god grants me the ability to live to an old age, I am going to be one cranky bitch-but, I hope I will be able to have a lovely pink hairdo and green eye shadow, with matching earrings, and be able to get my fat tushy into an aqua size class-because these women were having a ball. And I think the two men were also enjoying themselves.
As for my friend and I...well, we were just happy that we didn't see anyone we knew.....
Happy wednesday
Friday, May 27, 2011
Friday may 27,2011
Here comes the sun....
Memorial day weekend. The start of summer. Got my bikini ready, husband #1 just bought a new speedo and we are ready to take our act to the jersey shore. Some woman on the news just said that she lives in new jersey because of the beautiful beaches...um, I've never been to the beautiful beaches. I thought I lived in new jersey because there are so many synagogues-who knew? I'm wondering if I should put the jersey shore on the list of places I need to visit when the kids go to camp....or, I could just go to my favorite neighbor's swimming pool(kissing ass here) and pretend I'm at the shore. That sounds much better..no traffic...no annoying kids building sandcastles and no lifeguards mistaking me for a whale and calling everyone out of the water. I'm going with that option(if my favorite neighbor let's me, of course)
Here's wishing all of you a great memorial day weekend and may the beginning of bathing suit season only bring you joy and greater self esteem.
Happy friday
Memorial day weekend. The start of summer. Got my bikini ready, husband #1 just bought a new speedo and we are ready to take our act to the jersey shore. Some woman on the news just said that she lives in new jersey because of the beautiful beaches...um, I've never been to the beautiful beaches. I thought I lived in new jersey because there are so many synagogues-who knew? I'm wondering if I should put the jersey shore on the list of places I need to visit when the kids go to camp....or, I could just go to my favorite neighbor's swimming pool(kissing ass here) and pretend I'm at the shore. That sounds much better..no traffic...no annoying kids building sandcastles and no lifeguards mistaking me for a whale and calling everyone out of the water. I'm going with that option(if my favorite neighbor let's me, of course)
Here's wishing all of you a great memorial day weekend and may the beginning of bathing suit season only bring you joy and greater self esteem.
Happy friday
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday may 22,2011
80's in HD
As some of you know, I'm a huge fan of the 80's. The music, the eyebrows, the shoulder pads..love love love that era(oh god, I'm so old I'm recalling an era...) anyway, last night a bunch of us were shown the movie Dirty Dancing. Apparently, the first time I "saw" this movie, I didn't really see it because I was too busy doing something else during the movie that I can't go into, but the next 50 times I watched it, I really fell in love with. I'm a big Jerry orbach fan, lord rest his soul, and the whole thing just puts a smile on my face.
The movie was being shown in high definition. This put a whole new spin on it.."wow, look how bad her skin is"....."look how much makeup he is wearing"....HD, though great for watching hot hockey players, was not so great for watching an 80's movie..it was like our perceptions of what all of these actors looked like was being shattered. I began thinking about what if we put all of our past life experiences in high definition...would those memories be as great as we thought?(oh my, this is not going in the direction i thought it would...)
At my cuties 3 year old birthday party I was thinking remember how easy life was when we were little? When the biggest decision we had to make was which sesame street character we wanted on our juice box? When did it all go so horrible wrong? (ok, now I am just being dramatic). I need to keep my memories of the 80's just as they are..watching 16 candles with my friend Annie till we knew the whole movie by heart, memorizing every word of every police song, sneaking into the movie theatre on route 4 which is now being turned into a gym...and watching dirty dancing without HD....somethings are better left just the way you remember them.
Happy Sunday
As some of you know, I'm a huge fan of the 80's. The music, the eyebrows, the shoulder pads..love love love that era(oh god, I'm so old I'm recalling an era...) anyway, last night a bunch of us were shown the movie Dirty Dancing. Apparently, the first time I "saw" this movie, I didn't really see it because I was too busy doing something else during the movie that I can't go into, but the next 50 times I watched it, I really fell in love with. I'm a big Jerry orbach fan, lord rest his soul, and the whole thing just puts a smile on my face.
The movie was being shown in high definition. This put a whole new spin on it.."wow, look how bad her skin is"....."look how much makeup he is wearing"....HD, though great for watching hot hockey players, was not so great for watching an 80's movie..it was like our perceptions of what all of these actors looked like was being shattered. I began thinking about what if we put all of our past life experiences in high definition...would those memories be as great as we thought?(oh my, this is not going in the direction i thought it would...)
At my cuties 3 year old birthday party I was thinking remember how easy life was when we were little? When the biggest decision we had to make was which sesame street character we wanted on our juice box? When did it all go so horrible wrong? (ok, now I am just being dramatic). I need to keep my memories of the 80's just as they are..watching 16 candles with my friend Annie till we knew the whole movie by heart, memorizing every word of every police song, sneaking into the movie theatre on route 4 which is now being turned into a gym...and watching dirty dancing without HD....somethings are better left just the way you remember them.
Happy Sunday
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